Proposal
by highonpixistixs
Summary: FINALLY UPDATED! Gaara comes to Konoha with a proposal that could change the lives of two people forever. But will the blonde accept this proposal or will Gaara have to force him? Expect protective mother hens, jealous Uchihas, crazy Akatsuki, the works.
1. Chapter 1

A Gaara/Naruto story, all right!! We seriously need more of these. That's why I decided to make one. Yeah I know I should be working on "Interrupted Again" but the plot bunnies, they won't stop! They keep putting ideas in my head! And I probably will take a long time updating this story because I'll be working on my other story. But please bear with me; once I'm done with "Interrupted Again" I will put all my attention on this story. Now on with the story!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto because if I did Gaara would have ravished Naruto by now and he'll go _all night long _since he doesn't sleep anyways…hee hee. .

Naruto: Why do you always have to put me with guys that want to bang me into the mattress?

Me: Hello, yaoi fangirl here, which should be explanation enough…besides you make a cute uke!

Naruto: -pouts-

Me: See, there you go again! The cuteness from you just overflows, doesn't it? You're lucky Gaara wasn't here to see that.

Naruto: Oh yeah what's he gonna do to me?

Gaara: This. –slams him against a wall and kisses him passionately-

Me: -gets out camera and starts recording- Here's chapter one! Enjoy!

* * *

_Chapter_ _One_

There were four figures having a secret meeting in a darkened room somewhere in the outskirts of Suna. They were discussing something that could change the future of Suna forever. A matter so sensitive, if handled the wrong way could result in war or a really pissed off blonde.

"Wait, hold on the council approves of this?" asked Temari incredulously.

"Amazingly, yes" answered Baki, their former sensei.

"And their reason…?" asked Kankuro expecting for some catch.

"Well, they figure since they both have demons inside them, that their offspring will have the powers of both demons," said Baki shaking his head at how simple minded the council can be.

"Figures" said Temari in disdain.

"Wait, child? What child? They can't have children…can they?" asked Kankuro in confusion.

"They can, well _he_ can, at least. Not many people know this but Kyuubi is actually female and this somehow affects his anatomy, allowing him to carry children," explained Baki.

"So that means…" said Kankuro slowly, realizing why the council said yes.

"Exactly. See that's the catch" said Baki. "The council expects them to have a child within a year and the child has to stay in Suna."

"Surely, he won't agree to this," said Temari with worry.

"Oh he'll agree to this," said the fourth figure coming out of the darkness, his green eyes glinting, sand swirling around him excitedly. "I'll make sure he agrees…soon he'll be mine. _My_ _Naruto._"

* * *

"Achoooo!"

"Ew, that's gross" said Sakura in disgust as Naruto wiped off the snot and ramen from his face.

"Tch, idiot" muttered Sai under his breath.

"Heehee, someone must be thinking about you, Naruto," said Kakashi chuckling.

"Brr…I have a feeling something bad is going to happen," said Naruto as he felt a shiver run through his body.

* * *

Me: Chapter one is done. Heh heh, I know it sucks ass. But it will get better, I promise. I posted this to satisfy the plot bunnies that have been gnawing at me to write it. So yeah, I hope I don't get roasted alive by all the flamers. –laughs uneasily-

Gaara: About time you made a story with Naruto and me. In your other story I wasn't even included.

Me: Oh don't worry you'll appear soon enough but not to bang Naruto like the others, though.

Gaara: -growls-

Me: But hey at least you'll have your own story where you can do whatever you want to Naruto.

Gaara: Hehehe. Good enough. Now where are you, my little _kitsune_?

Naruto: Oh noes!! –hides behind me-


	2. Chapter 2

Hahaha I am so sorry for the short chapter, it's just I thought my story would be ignored because I thought it was crappy but instead I get 12 reviews in three days. So I decided to write chapter two cause of your wonderful reviews. . I was seriously considering abandoning this story for about a month so I can finish my other story but I've changed my mind. I will continue this story along with my other story.

Disclaimer: Nope I don't own Naruto, but if I did I would totally make Naruto the village bike. _Then everyone would_ _ride_ _him..._

Naruto: The village bike? –tears run from his eyes- Why would you do that?

Me: Muwhahahaha!!! Because I can… authoresses powers.

Gaara: Grr…did you make my Naruto cry?

Me: Now, now Gaara let's not get angry…remember you need me alive to continue the story.

Gaara: True…. Fine, I'll let you live…for now.

Me: Phew that was close…now onto chapter two!!

* * *

_Chapter_ _Two_

Shizune ran to the hokage's office in a hurry, shoving past anyone in her way. _This is bad, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad! Gah! Knowing her she's probably drunk off her socks right now. Ooh if she is, I swear this will not look good for our village. I just hope I can slap some sense into her before they arrive!!_, thought Shizune frantically running through the crowd. She finally reached the door and burst in without knocking. Tsunade, who was busy sleeping, woke up right away and wiped the drool from her face and on a reflex said, "I wasn't sleeping at all, I swear!" She quickly pretended to get back to work signing and stamping random papers.

Shizune took some time to get some air in her lungs and said in between gasps, "The Kazekage…he's here."

"What?" Tsunade asked in utter surprise. "What is he doing here?"

"I don't know. He-just arrived-so suddenly," said Shizune clutching her side in pain.

"Where is he now?" asked Tsunade trying to fix everything on her desk. It wouldn't do to have a messy desk when an important leader comes over. Shizune started helping her out and said, " I just saw him at the front entrance."

"Who did he bring with him?" asked Tsunade furrowing her brows.

"Um just his siblings and an old woman," answered Shizune distractedly trying to tidy up the room as much as possible.

"An old woman…?" inquired Tsunade with curiosity.

Shizune arranged the papers on her desk in a neat pile and said, "This is really unusual. I mean the Kazekage can't just suddenly leave his village and come over here without so much as a short notice. It must have been something really important for him to suddenly arrive here unexpectedly, don't you think Hokage-sama?"

"Hmm, I suppose," said Tsunade furrowing her brows even deeper. There was a knock on her door, interrupting her thoughts.

"Come in", said Tsunade looking at the door.

The door opened and a domineering Gaara walked in as if he owned the place. His siblings followed right behind him. The last person to walk in was a wrinkly old lady with a bun on her head. Tsunade widened her eyes in surprise. _What the hell is she doing here?_

"Well if it isn't Konoha's little _Slug_ _Princess_", said the old woman in a sneering voice.

"It's good to see you too, Chiyo baa-sama. You're as batty as ever," retorted Tsunade with a smirk. "Why are you here?"

"We're here to see the Kyuubi vessel," answered Chiyo.

"He has a name," said Tsunade with a growl. "Why do want to see Naruto?"

"To see if he's in tip top condition," replied Chiyo.

"We have people for that. I don't need you to tell me if he's in good condition or not," said Tsunade with scorn. "If all you came here to do is give a medical check-up for my ninja, then I suggest you leave because you're help is not needed here."

"I'm not here to do a medical check-up," said Chiyo with a scoff. "I'm here to see if he's in good condition for Gaara."

"What are you talking about, old woman?" snarled Tsunade.

"Let's get straight to the point shall we?" said Chiyo with a know-it-all look on her face. "We're here to-"

"Chiyo baa-sama, I'll take it from here," cut in Gaara. Chiyo closed her mouth and nodded. Gaara looked at Tsunade right in the eye and said, "I'm here to ask Uzumaki Naruto's hand in marriage."

Tsunade's jaw dropped in utter shock. _Hand in marriage?? This has got to be a joke!_, she thought disbelievingly. She started chuckling, softly at first, then she outright started howling with laughter.

"What's so funny?" he asked annoyed at her raucous laughter.

"You are. I mean, 'hand in marriage'? Are you kidding?" she said still laughing.

"I do not kid about matters such as this," replied Gaara harshly, glaring at her.

Tsunade stopped her laughing and looked at Gaara's serious face. "What the hell do you really want?" asked Tsunade all the amusement leaving her face.

"I want to wed Naruto," said Gaara resolutely.

"Why?" she asked suspiciously looking him in the eye with a glare.

"I like him" replied Gaara simply, returning her glare.

"Why?" asked Tsunade, not faltering in her gaze.

"Because" countered Gaara, refusing to back down.

"Because why?" asked Tsunade, getting a bit annoyed at his short answers.

"Because I do," responded Gaara with a sneer. Tsunade just growled at him. _I'm not gonna get a straight answer from this kid._

"And what makes you think he likes you back?" asked Tsunade. _Ha, try and answer that!_

"I don't. But I'm sure he will," said Gaara confidently.

"Even if he did, what makes you think I will give you permission to marry him?" countered Tsunade smugly.

"Who said I was going to ask for your permission?" Gaara replied back defiantly.

"Why you little brat! -"

"Tsunade-sama! Remember, he _is_ the Kazekage" Shizune reminded her.

"That's right. So I don't _need_ your permission to marry him. I just came here to inform you," said Gaara already heading for the door.

"Wait just one moment! You think you can barge in here and tell me that you're going to marry one of my best shinobi and leave just like that?!" Tsunade yelled furiously.

Gaara stopped and turned around. "I think I just did," he said and then resumed walking.

"We'll see about that. I will **forbid** Naruto to marry you," declared Tsunade.

This made Gaara stop in his tracks. He turned around slowly and said "What? You can't do that."

"I think I just did," she replied mockingly. "I'm the Hokage. I might not be able to stop you from marrying him but I can stop him from marrying you."

"You wouldn't," said Gaara frowning.

"I would," said Tsunade. "I care about Naruto and I'm not gonna let some punk-"

"Kazekage!" hissed Shizune.

"I don't care! I'm not gonna let you force him into something he doesn't want" said Tsunade.

"Do what you want. I **will** have Naruto, no matter what you do."

With that he left in a swirl of sand. The sand siblings looked at each other and laughed uneasily.

"Heh heh. He's not usually like that," said Temari nervously. "Yeah, he's quite pleasant really. Isn't that right, Kankuro?"

Kankuro snorted in laughter, "Yeah right-ow!" Temari elbowed him in the gut. "I mean of course, he's really nice. It's just that he's a bit cranky after the long journey."

"Whatever," said Tsunade. "I swear if he tries anything with Naruto…I won't care if he is the Kazekage, I will rip his head off!"

"Now, now Hokage-sama" said Shizune. "We don't want to start a war now, do we?"

"Right. Whatever" said Tsunade with an exasperated sigh.

"So does that mean we get to stay here?" asked Kankuro hopefully, he didn't want to have to deal with a pissed off Gaara on his way home.

"Ugh, fine," said Tsunade with a scowl. _I can't really kick them out of the village…_

"Yay!" cheered the two Sand siblings.

"But if he tries anything…" threatened Tsunade.

"He won't" said Temari quickly with an assuring smile. _I hope_, she thought to herself.

"He better not" growled Tsunade rubbing her forehead. _Now I have to worry about that eyebrow-less freak trying to hurt my little Naruto-kun._

"Uh, we're going to get going now," said Kankuro slightly scared by the Hokage's threats. _We better find Gaara before he really does do something to Naruto._

They both left, followed by Chiyo who gave Tsunade an I-know-something-that-you-don't-know-about look before she closed the door. _Seriously, what the hell is up with that woman?_, thought Tsunade. Tsunade sighed again and slumped in her chair.

"So what are you going to do now, Hokage-sama?" asked Shizune worriedly.

"I don't know," said Tsunade pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Well, I'm going to go show them to their rooms. Tell me if you need anything," said Shizune heading for the door. Right then Tsunade got a brilliant idea for her Gaara problem.

"Actually Shizune, I do need your help with something…" she started.

"What is it, Hokage-sama?" asked Shizune turning her head to look at Tsunade.

Tsunade looked at her with a smile creeping on her face. "Would you be a dear and tell _Iruka_ to come to my office?"

* * *

Me: Yes it's done! I could've gotten it done yesterday but my friend distracted me so hurt her not me!! 

Gaara: Tsunade is my new enemy. She's trying to stop me from getting my Naruto.

Me: Hahaha she's not the only one. Didn't you read the summary?

Gaara: …comes to Konoha…have to force him…yaoi…_protective mother hens??_ Wait what is this? Jealous _Uchihas_? You mean there's more than just one! (um...I don't think he know about itachi, does he?)

Me: Yes Gaara. _Uchihas_. Plural. As in more than one.

Gaara: Grr…you want to die?

Me: No. Hehehe anyways, review and I will love you forever!!

**A/N**: I'm writing this story after the timeskip so they're all older, around fifteen or sixteen. Gaara's the Kazekage now because his father was assassinated during the Chuunin exams. I still haven't decided if I want to have Sasuke come back yet or still be with Orouchimaru. Chiyo is from the Sand; she's the one who sealed the Shukaku in Gaara. From what I can tell she used to be a medic I think (correct me if I'm wrong) and knows Tsunade from the battles during the Great War. I saw the episode where she appears in Shippuden and she does call Tsunade "Konoha's Slug Princess" and dislikes her very much by the looks of it. So I hope that was a good characterization of her. You don't see Chiyo very often in fanfics and I decided to make her a part of my story because she seems like an interesting character.

**Please read this: **

**A/N: Heh heh I made a mistake on Chapter one, so for those of you who already read my story please read this so you won't get confused. It was really late when I wrote it so please forgive me for the mistake in Chapter one. I just realized that I accidently put _Sasuke_ in it instead of Sai. I meant to put Sai because he becomes a part of the team after Sasuke leaves. **

**SO I REPEAT: THE PERSON THAT SAYS "TCH, IDIOT" IN CHAPTER ONE IS SAI _NOT_ SASUKE. THE MISTAKE WILL BE CHANGED SO FROM NOW ON, SAI IS PART OF NARUTO'S TEAM AND SASUKE IS STILLWITH OROUCHIMARU. I AM SORRY FOR MY ERROR. SO DON'T GET CONFUSED. **

**P.S.: Sorry for the cap locks but I had to get your attention somehow.**


	3. Chapter 3

Wow 25 reviews for just two chapters! Awesome! Thank you to all my reviewers. –hands you all chocolate chip cookies and milk in case you choke on the cookies-

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, then the real reason why Kakashi and Sasuke were late for the Chuunin exam wouldn't be because they were _training_…if you get my drift. But unfortunately I don't.

Masashi Kishimoto's reaction to this: (on his knees crying) Why pixistixs? WHY?? Why must you turn every little innocent scene that happens in my show into something perverted?

Me: Whatever do you mean? (stolen halo glowing on top of her head)

Masashi Kishimoto: You know exactly what I mean. –snatches stolen halo from her head-

Me: You brought this upon yourself. I mean you leave us rabid yaoi fangirls so many blaringly obvious clues it's not even funny. Let me list them for you: Sasuke and Naruto _kissing_, Konohamaru's _sexy_-_no_-_jutsu_, Itachi wearing _nail_ _polish_, _Orouchimaru_ (I don't even have to explain why that could be considered gay) and last but not least _HAKU_! _Need I go on?? -_silence-….didn't think so.

* * *

_Chapter_ _Three_

Naruto walked down the streets of Konoha beaming widely. Tsunade gave them a whole week off after the recent success of one of their most dangerous missions yet (excluding the Saving Sasuke Mission). They had celebrated their victory about three days ago in the Ichiraku Ramen store (after Naruto's incessant whining). Now he had five whole days to do whatever he wanted which would be a blessing to most ninja but not Naruto. The number one hyperactive ninja of Konoha couldn't stay put in one place for too long, he had already done everything he had wanted to do in just two days and frankly he was bored out of his mind right now.

"What to do…what to do?" he muttered to himself looking around. He saw some kids from the academy heading home after the bell rang for dismissal. "Hey, maybe I can catch Iruka-sensei before he leaves the academy."

He ran towards the academy to his old classroom. But when he got there, there was no Iruka in sight. Instead he found Kakashi-sensei sighing, frustrated at the papers in front of him.

"There is no way in hell I'm correcting all these papers," said Kakashi groaning. He had come to the academy in hopes of wooing Iruka once and for all. But when Iruka got a summons to go to the Hokage's office he had asked him to watch over his student (whom Iruka had playfully called "demon spawn") until he got back. And Kakashi in an attempt to win over Iruka had happily obliged.

"Kakashi-sensei! What are you doing here? Is Iruka-sensei sick or something?" asked the blonde.

"Iruka had to go to the Hokage's office. Was there something important you wanted to tell him?" asked Kakashi his single eye curving into a happy crescent at the sight of his student. _He sure has grown more attractive over the years._

"Oh nothing really. I just wanted to go to Ichiraku's with him since classes just ended, that's all," said Naruto stretching. He no longer had that hideous orange jumpsuit on and after Sakura's insistence he wore his headband around his neck instead of his forehead. She said it gave him that 'just got out of bed after a night a passionate sex' to which the blonde blushed profusely since he was still a virgin and a very cute, innocent one at that. "Hey I know. Do you wanna go to Ichiraku's with me, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Sure" said Kakashi, happy that he didn't have to stay here correcting these papers. _But maybe I should take these with me in case I see Iruka on the way so I can give it to him myself. That way he won't have to go to back to the Academy to get the papers. And if I don't see him, he'll have to come over to my house to get them, _Kakashi thought giddily.

"Ok let's go Kakashi-sensei," said the blonde excitedly._ Yay! Free ramen! _

They had reached the ramen store with Naruto going on about how many pranks he had pulled in just two days while Kakashi pretended to listen when he was really just reading his signature Icha Icha Paradise book. When they got there, he had somehow gotten Kakashi to pay for his meal while Kakashi watched wide-eyed at just how many bowls the boy could consume. When Naruto had finally finished, Kakashi emptied out all the money from his wallet that the ramen owner happily pried away from his hands grinning greedily, Naruto always brought in good business.

All the while Naruto patted his stomach gleefully. Kakashi looked over at him with annoyance to which Naruto gave him one of his signature smiles, which made Kakashi melt right away.

"Ne, Kakashi-sensei, sorry about that I went a bit overboard didn't I?" the blonde said scratching the back of his sheepishly. Before Kakashi could say anything a voice interrupted them.

"Naruto", said the voice. Naruto gasped in surprise as he recognized that voice and the person. He grinned widely and turned around and immediately glomped said person to the ground.

"GAARA!!" said Naruto as he tackled him to the ground. Gaara blushed lightly at the close contact with the blonde. Scratch that- extremely close contact with him.

"Naruto-" started Gaara but the blonde put a finger to his mouth to shut him up.

Naruto pouted at him and said, "You just realized you had a friend here and came to visit?"

Gaara was fighting hard with himself to will his blush down. Not only was the blonde on top of him, his fingers touching his lips but it was at that moment that Gaara decided to think of how well their bodies aligned with each other.

"Naruto would you please-" Gaara tried again, as it was getting very, _very_ hard to keep both his blush _and_ his growing arousal down.

"You're so mean, Gaara. You've never visited since the chuunin exams," again there was that irresistible pout.

"Naruto I'm the Kazekage now. I can't just leave my village for a vacation," said Gaara finally managing to talk without Naruto's finger in the way.

"You're the Kazekage," said Naruto with surprise his face getting closer to the redhead in order to see if he was lying or not.

"Yes, Naruto" said Gaara backing away from his face. _Wait, what the hell! I'm supposed to be on top! Not him!_ With a smirk he flipped the blonde so he was straddling him and he leaned forward and said, "I see you're still not Hokage. What happened?"

"Well we can't all have the luxury of being connected lineally to a Kage, can we?" said Kakashi amused at the scene in front of him.

Gaara ignored him and continued to look at the blonde. _He's changed…_he thought gazing down on the beautiful blonde in front of him. Oh how he wanted to run his fingers through that gorgeous blonde hair and trace his fingers over those pert, pink lips of his. But his musings were soon interrupted as his brother's annoying voice reached his ears.

"Oi, Gaara, there you are!" said Kankuro visually paling at the sight in front of him. _Somehow, I knew I was gonna find him in the process of raping Naruto…_

"Gaara, the Hokage said we could stay as long as you don't molest-," said Temari running up behind Kankuro but stopped when she saw Gaara on top of Naruto. _Ah too late for that…_

"So what brings the Kazekage and his siblings here?" asked Kakashi.

"Official business", said Temari glancing over at Naruto.

"You goddamn kids! Can't you at least wait for an old woman" said an elderly woman running towards them. Kakashi feeling bad for the old woman went over and helped her to her feet as she was just about ready to collapse.

"Oh why thank you young man at least you're not like those spoiled –GASP-" the woman got a good look at Kakashi and pointed an accusing finger at him.

"You're Konoha's White Fang! The one that killed my son!" she said as she charged towards him. (1)

"No, no you got me mistaken. I'm not Konoha's White Fang-" Kakashi tried to explain as he backed away but the woman was already running towards him with a kunai in her hand.

"Prepare yourself!" she shouted heading towards him.

"Now look, I am not about to fight an old lady", said Kakashi trying to reason with her.

"Well too bad. Cause I have no qualms about fighting you!" she said as she drove her kunai into his chest, which Kakashi blocked quickly. _Geez she wasn't kidding. What the fuck is wrong with this old lady?_

He took out his kunai and started defending himself from her endless attacks. She landed a blow to his face sending him flying. She ran after him yelling, "I will avenge my son's death!"

Temari sweatdropped and said "She can get a bit senile sometimes."

Naruto looked after the trail of rubble and asked "Is Kaka-sensei going to be alright?"

"Don't worry he's a jounin, he can take care of himself" said Kankuro. _Let's just hope she snaps out of it soon._

Gaara was still on top of Naruto staring at his face. Naruto looked up and said, "Um would you mind getting off?"

"No" came the firm answer. Gaara smirked from atop of him. He pinned both his wrists above his head and positioned himself so that he wouldn't be able to move. It was cute how his face looked when he was confused. It was his fault; he was the one that got him all roused up.

"Wha-" said Naruto but stopped in his sentence, as Gaara's face got closer to his. His eyes were different; they were filled with want, and desire, and most importantly lust.

Naruto could only blink as his face got closer and closer, his lips parting only inches away from his. Right when those elegant lips were about to touch his, a roaring voice interrupted them startling them both.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TO MY LITTLE NARUTO-KUN?!" came Iruka's thundering voice.

"Iruka-sensei?" said Naruto timidly. From his standpoint Iruka looked pretty scary with his gnashing teeth and that evil fire surrounding him. **–A/N "evil fire? Where did that come from?"-**

"YOU BETTER GET THE FUCK OFF OF HIM RIGHT NOW, YOU FUCKING PERVERT!" shouted Iruka, tearing Naruto away from Gaara's clutches. Gaara was stunned to say the least, not only was Iruka scarier than the demon living inside of him, he was also incredibly strong considering how easily he took Naruto away from him. It seemed that his sand didn't even want to come out to face this ferociously frightening man.

"IF I SEE YOU NEAR HIM AGAIN, I WILL FUCKING RIP YOUR HEAD OUT AND HANG IT ON THE FUCKING CEILING FOR EVERYONE TO FUCKING SEE, YOU GOT THAT!!" screamed Iruka. The sand siblings nodded their head (well actually Temari and Kankuro did) Temari forcibly moved Gaara's head up and down to signify that he understood.

Iruka took Naruto far away from there, all the while muttering "Don't you dare go near that pervert again, got that Naruto?" Naruto just nodded meekly, he was scared shitless to this new over-protective Iruka. They reached Iruka's house and he dragged Naruto in locking the door.

"Naruto, if that _pervert_ tries anything you come straight to me, got it?" said Iruka sitting him down in the couch. Naruto nodded, afraid to talk.

"You're going to stay here in my care from now on, okay?" said Iruka sternly. Naruto nodded again.

"And if anyth-"

There was a knock on his door interrupting him. Iruka tried to ignore it. "If anything, and I mean anything-"

Whoever was knocking on the door was very persistent. There was a shriek outside and this made Iruka stop and look at the door.

"Iruka, open the door right now. That crazy old lady is gaining on me!"

"Kakashi is that you?" he asked as he headed for the door.

"What the hell?" murmured Iruka as he opened to let in a panicked Kakashi who quickly closed the door and started locking it.

"Kakashi are you okay?" asked Iruka worriedly. He noticed Kakashi holding a piece of a ripped paper. His voice took a dangerous tone when he asked, "Kakashi, are those the test papers that I'm supposed to correct?"

"Yeah, they are. At least _part_ of it" he said scratching his head nervously. He looked up to see Iruka looking down at him cracking his knuckles.

"Um there was an old lady and she was chasing me down with a kunai. I had to defend myself so I used the test papers and she slashed through them. And-and-"

"Kakashi, why does this sound like one of your crackpot excuses for being late" said Iruka getting out his shuriken.

"But- but I'm not lying this time!" said Kakashi as he dodged the shuriken.

* * *

Masashi Kishimoto: -still sobbing- 

Me: There, there you're still the author of Naruto remember? Just because I make fanfics like this doesn't mean it's really going to happen. You're still in charge and you can do whatever you want with your show, okay. Good. Now go make me a filler episode where all the male characters fuck Naruto senseless.

Masashi Kishimoto: Wha- but you just said…

Me: Forget what I said. Just do it.

Masashi Kishimoto: You're. So. Mean. –runs away sobbing-

Me: Darn, why do they always run away?

Read and review please even though I think this chapter was pretty crappy in my opinion. Summer's finally here and my lazy self is slowly emerging. That and my imagination flew out the window somewhere along the way. Sorry if you think this is crappy too. I'll make up for it next chapter with a lemon. Promise. .

(1) Konoha's White Fang is Kakashi's father, the real one who killed Chiyo's son. She mistakes him for Kakashi because he looks just like his father. But in reality Kakashi's father has been dead for a long time. That's why Temari calls her senile because she forgets stuff. This scene actually happened in Shippuden and I was cracking up as she ran towards him because he had such a funny face on when that happened. But Naruto stops her before she could do any harm. I just thought it would be funnier if Chiyo just chased him all over town with a kunai.


	4. Chapter 4 Part one

Oh my god LEMON!! Well sort of, I guess. My muse and I wrote this until four in the morning and frankly I am about ready to collapse. It came to about a little over ten pages so I decided to split it into two parts.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto; cause if I did nosebleeds would be rampant….

-----------------------------------------------

Me: Meet Meg, my muse. Don't ask me why I named her that cause frankly I don't have a clue.

Meg: _Hello everyone, I am the little voice in her head that gives her all those perverted and immoral ideas._

Me: Oh shut up! She's just mad that I have her tied to bedpost after she tried to run away to Cancun.

Meg: _It's your fault._

Me: What? It's not my fault!

Meg: _Yes it is. Idiot._

Me: No it isn't. AND STOP TRYING TO GNAW OFF YOUR HAND LIKE A TRAPPED WOLF!

Meg: _I'm not trying to gnaw off my hand. –goes back to chewing her hand off-_

Me: Stop it! You are not going to Cancun for a vacation!

Meg: _You never let me have any fun!_

* * *

_Chapter_ _Four_

Yet again the Sand ninja were having a secret meeting in a darkened room (Kankuro: To give it a more dramatic effect...) this time thinking up of a way to get Gaara together with Naruto. Temari, Kankuro, and Chiyo huddled in a circle trying to come up with a plan, while Gaara just leaned against the wall saying that he didn't want to be a part of their 'group meeting'.

"So what are we going to do about Iruka?"

"I don't know, Temari. That guy is freakishly strong a chuunin," replied Kankuro.

"And scary" said Temari with a shiver. "But he'll leave for the academy every morning and Naruto will be alone so that's when we'll strike."

"Ok now here's what I think you should do," Chiyo said to Gaara in a matter-of-factly way. "You kidnap him. Fill him up with your seed. Get him pregnant-"

"I'm not raping him if that's what you're suggesting" said Gaara raising his voice warningly.

"I thought that's what you were aiming for when you pinned him yesterday," said Temari raising a brow.

"For your information, I actually…" Gaara stopped and sighed as if this was hard for him to say. "…_care_ about Naruto. And I don't want to hurt him."

"Aww" Temari sighed earning a glare from Gaara. He knew she would do that, that's why he didn't want to say it.

"I'm not saying you should rape him, _per_ _se_," said Chiyo. "I'm just saying you should make sweet love with him all night long and get him pregnant so they will have no choice but to marry him to you."

"I don't think Naruto is ready for _that_ yet," said Gaara looking away with a slight blush on his face. "And I don't want to scare him away."

"Aww…how cute!" cooed Temari. Gaara just glared at her again. She's been doing that ever since he told her about him liking Naruto.

"But how am I going to 'woo' him over?" asked Gaara. Chiyo opened her mouth to say something. "_Besides_ me raping him."

Chiyo closed her mouth with a grumble. Kankuro opened his mouth to make a suggestion.

"Anyone _besides_ Kankuro" said Gaara coldly looking pointedly at Temari. Kankuro closed his mouth with a sniff. Temari's a girl; she must know something about relationships. Temari looked up as everyone stared at her expectantly.

"Um, well I think you should take him out for dinner at a nice restaurant. And maybe go for a walk by the lake in the moonlight afterwards," she said her eyes glazing over as she imagined it.

Kankuro and Chiyo just stared at her for a moment before bursting out in laughter. They held their stomachs as they laughed hysterically.

"You want _Gaara_ to take him out on a _romantic_ _date_?" said Kankuro sniggering.

"Yeah seriously, this is Gaara we are talking about here" said Chiyo howling in laughter.

"Hey it was better than your idea!" said Temari indignantly pointing a finger at Chiyo.

"Enough!" said Gaara getting annoyed. He sighed and said, "Okay let's worry about that later. Now we need to figure out a way to get Naruto out of Iruka's house. I can't tell him anything if I can't see him."

Kankuro raised his hand exuberantly waving it wildly. Gaara rolled his eyes and said, "Fine. What is your brilliant idea Kankuro?"

"Well here's what I think you should do…"

* * *

"Naruto, I'm going to the academy, okay?" said Iruka getting his keys. "I'm gonna lock this door and seal it so no one can come in besides me and Kakashi, okay? Naruto! Are you listening to me?" 

"Yes Iruka-sensei" came the drowsy reply from a half-asleep Naruto.

"Now what do we do if perverted creeps try to rape us?" asked Iruka.

"Use pepper spray on them and run away screaming "Rape" and head straight to either your classroom or baa-chan's office, whichever one is closer," answered Naruto as if he memorized it.

"Good. Now don't open the door for anyone got that?" asked Iruka-sensei from the door.

"Yes Iruka-sensei" said Naruto putting a pillow over his head to drown out the noise to

"And-"

"Iruka-sensei!" whined Naruto. "Don't worry, I'm going to be fine."

"Ok, Naruto" said Iruka with a sigh. "Bye."

"Bye, 'Ruka-sensei" said Naruto yawning, falling straight back to sleep. Iruka quietly closed the door behind him and left for work.

Right when Naruto was about to fall into a deep sleep, a delectable smell reached his nose. He got up and followed the smell with his eyes still closed. It was ramen. Sweet delicious ramen. His feet took him through the hallway, into the living room, out the door to the balcony and then stopped. Naruto opened one eye and looked down. And lo and behold there it was, a bowl of ramen. He sat down and quickly devoured it with amazing speed, licking the bowl clean after he was done with it.

"Ahh, that's good ramen," said Naruto patting his stomach. Quickly thereafter, the smell of ramen reached his nose again. He stood up, sniffing the air and looked out the balcony and there was the ramen sitting there innocently on the ground below him. Naruto jumped down from the balcony, wearing nothing but his pajama pants. He sat down on the ground and starting eating this bowl too.

Somewhere close by in a dark alley four figures watched him as he finished the ramen and moved on to the next one situated near by.

"I can't believe your plan is actually working," said Temari in disbelief.

"And you always thought I was dumb," said Kankuro smugly.

"You are," said Gaara callously. "I just didn't think Naruto would be."

"I can't believe how fast that boy can go through ramen," said Chiyo in amazement. "Quick he's almost at our place. We should get there before he gets there so we can capture him and Gaara can-"

"I am not raping Naruto," interrupted Gaara growling.

"Yeah, yeah sure. I saw you looking at that blonde's ass like that," said Chiyo winking.

"No I wasn't" said Gaara quickly his anger shooting up, but the light blush gave it away.

"_Right_. Let's get going," said Chiyo leading the way. They all followed her, with Gaara grumbling angrily.

Meanwhile Naruto was on his 17th bowl of ramen as he neared an open door with a ramen bowl positioned in the doorway. He hurriedly scuttled over there slurping up the ramen in the bowl not noticing the dark figures standing behind the couch.

"Yum, yum" said Naruto licking his lips. "Why would anyone just leave free ramen outside like that?"

"Naruto," came a voice behind the couch. Naruto jumped in surprise and looked around.

"Ack, who said that?" he asked fearfully.

"Uh…a friend," said the voice.

"Oh, ok," said Naruto with relief. "Where are you?"

"Over here, no not there- to your left…no your other left," said the voice exasperatedly. "There, yes right there. So Naruto as I was saying…"

"Why is it so dark in here?" asked Naruto getting up to turn on the light.

"No, don't do that. No-"

But it was too late, the light was already on and the mysterious voice was revealed to be none other than Kankuro. _Well there goes the brilliant plan…_

"Kankuro, what are you doing here?" asked the confused blonde. Kankuro just laughed nervously and said, "Well that's a long story..."

"Hey if you're here, then that must mean Gaara's here too," said the blonde putting a finger to his lips in thought. And as if on cue, the door shut behind them with a menacing Gaara standing behind Naruto.

"Hello Naruto," said Gaara putting his hands around him hugging him from behind. He nuzzled his head in the crook of his neck.

Naruto's mind suddenly went blank as Gaara started kissing him down his collarbone. It just felt _so_ good. _What was that thing that Iruka sensei told me to stay away from…_he trailed off in his thoughts as Gaara now nibbled on his ear.

He heard giggles coming from behind the couch that brought him back to reality. He pulled away from Gaara turning around to face him.

"Um, I don't know what you are trying to do but…" he trailed off as Gaara got closer to him. Naruto backed away nervously, the back of his knees hitting the couch making him fall backward. Gaara closed the distance between them and put his hands on both sides of him, trapping him on the couch. Naruto's heartbeat doubled as his face got closer and he vaguely heard Temari's voice saying "Let's move over to the dining table to get a better view."

Naruto came back to his senses when he heard her voice and jerked away from him in a hurry but Gaara caught his hands pinning him back down to the couch. He smirked down at him with a superior look, the sand swirling behind him dangerously.

"Oh shit" was the only thing that came to mind when he saw Gaara's face.

"Nice try," said Gaara in a deadly voice.

Then Naruto did what he should have done in the first place like Iruka had advised him too. He screamed for help.

"RAPE!!!!!" screamed Naruto as loud as he could.

"Keep screaming and it might just happen," threatened Gaara.

Naruto had found his courage somewhere along the way and fought back, struggling against his hold. "Oh yeah, I'd like to see you try!"

But all his struggling and seemingly 'innocent' talk just egged him on. "Oh, really?" he asked with an evil grin.

"Wha-? I didn't mean it like that!" said Naruto indignantly.

"Oh well," said Gaara casually. _Maybe it was asking too much to actually think that Naruto would talk dirty._

"Good. Now get off of me!" said Naruto struggling again.

"What if I don't want to?" said Gaara with a smirk; with the blonde squirming like this he couldn't help himself. He leered down at him, taking in his body with his eyes.

"Eeek! HELP!!!!" the blonde screamed again, Gaara quickly silenced him by kissing him. But this time someone actually responded and the door burst open as an alert Kakashi barged in.

"Did someone call for help?" said Kakashi looking around attentively. He then saw the two demon vessels on the couch making out and blushed. "Oh sorry to interrupt…um I'll just let myself out."

Naruto finally managed to break the kiss and scream out before Kakashi left, "NO, DON'T LEAVE ME!!"

"Huh?" said Kakashi turning around and blushed again as he saw Gaara kissing Naruto down the chest.

"Here…this pervert-" Naruto barely made any sense Gaara nibbled on a sensitive spot on his neck.

"You don't mean me, right?" asked Kakashi confused.

"What?" said Kankuro, Temari and Chiyo in unison. Kakashi just sweatdropped and scratched the back of his head foolishly, "Oh never mind."

Naruto pushed Gaara away from his body with the little strength he had and shouted, "I was talking about this pervert that's pinning me down and molesting me!"

"Oh that pervert," said Kakashi understanding now. He sat down with Kankuro, Temari and Chiyo who were all eating popcorn as they watched the scene unfold.

Gaara now held both of Naruto's wrists with his right hand and explored his body with his left. While his tongue explored Naruto's mouth, he had been screaming so much that it gave Gaara easy access inside it.

"So what's going on?" asked Kakashi getting some popcorn. "Besides Gaara ravishing Naruto, I mean."

"Oh nothing. It's just –munch- Naruto –munch- is the sacrifice," explained Chiyo while eating the popcorn, accidentally letting slip a part of their plan.

"Sacrifice?!" said Kakashi and Naruto together looking at her incredulously.

"Did I say sacrifice? I meant-uh…um-I…Hey look! Live Porn!" said Chiyo in an attempt to distract them. Well Kakashi was easily distracted, as he went back to eating the popcorn and watching shamelessly as his student got molested.

Gaara went back to his exploration of Naruto's body and nipped his sensitive spot to make him forget what Chiyo said. Naruto whimpered and tried to push him away again. Gaara stopped his ministrations and looked at Naruto thoughtfully. He didn't want to do this to Naruto if he doesn't want it. Where's the fun in that? With a decided sigh, he got off of Naruto.

"Damn!" cursed Kakashi when they stopped and then smiled apologetically as Naruto shot him a glare. "Uh, I mean thank God you're safe."

"Aww man…" whined Temari, Kankuro and Chiyo in a chorus.

"Why'd you stop anyways?" asked Kakashi to which Naruto punched him in the stomach even though he was just as curious as he was.

"Well it's just that," said Gaara with a twisted smile. "You wouldn't make a good lover, anyways."

* * *

_The_ _End_.

Hahaha just kidding. It's not the end! Don't kill me! This is just part one, click the button on the bottom to go to part two.


	5. Part Two

And Here's Part Two!!

Before you read I have to give credit where it's needed so…

THIS WHOLE CHAPTER WAS BASED ON AND INSPIRED BY A REAL IM CONVERSATION I HAD WITH MY FRIENDS SUMIDA AND SHIBA. WHY BIG LETTERS? THEY ARE THREATENING TO KILL ME IF I DON'T GIVE THEM CREDIT FOR IT...

Sumida: What?! I am not -hides gun-

Me: THAT GUN YOU SEE IS NOT A REAL GUN. THEY ARE FORCING ME TO SAY THIS...SAVE ME!!!!

Sumida: Don't listen to her she's crazy

Me: UM, PLEASE IGNORE THE PLEA FOR HELP. I DID NOT MEAN IT…. cough-theyhavemetiedupinadarkbasementwithagunpointedatmyhead-cough…-ahem- …I MEAN HAVE A NICE DAY…

Sumida: See, she's crazy.

* * *

_Recap_… 

"Well it's just that," said Gaara with a twisted smile. "You wouldn't make a good lover, anyways."

* * *

Naruto's jaw dropped when he heard that. Already his face was contorting into a look of anger and scorn. All the while Gaara just smiled. _Hook. Line. And sinker._

"WHAT?! COME BACK HERE, I'LL SHOW _YOU_ WHO'S A GOOD LOVER!" shouted Naruto irked that Gaara would suggest that he was not good in bed even though he was a virgin and had no clue if he really was good in bed or not. But he didn't care, Gaara said he wasn't good at something and he had to go prove to him that he was. He pushed Gaara back on the couch and started ripping off his shirt.

"You'll never go through with it," said Gaara knowing it would just rile up the blonde even more.

"Oh yes I will," said Naruto jerking off Gaara's belt. "By the end of the day I'll have you screaming out my name!"

"Ha! Don't make me laugh," said Gaara arrogantly.

"Hmm, then explain to me why you're still on the bottom," said Naruto in a smart-alecky kind of way.

"Hmm…this is getting interesting," said Kakashi leaning on the edge of his seat.

Gaara just smirked and flipped him over, "Only because I let you." He captured both of his hands in a death grip and lowered his head to his abdomen and traced along the swirl of the seal with his tongue. Naruto moaned audibly as it sent an electrifying sensation down his spine.

"I know," said Chiyo with her mouth full of popcorn. "Want some more popcorn?"

"Sure," said Kakashi never taking his eyes off the scene. They all sat there at the edge of their seats stuffing their faces with popcorn.

"Damn it, Kakashi! Don't just sit there and watch this guy do this to me!" yelled out Naruto in a half moan as Gaara dipped his tongue into his belly button.

"Hey, you provoked him," Temari pointed out.

"She's got a point," said Kankuro agreeing with her.

"I didn't provoke him! He provoked me!" he shouted.

"And then you provoked him," said Temari.

Chiyo nodded in agreement, "True, true."

"Nuh-uh!" said Naruto childishly.

"Yeah-huh!" Temari responded back just as childish as him.

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh! Gaara make him be quiet!"

"My pleasure," said Gaara moving up to kiss him.

"WHAT? GET AWAY FROM ME!" screamed Naruto but it was in vain as Gaara already captured him in a kiss. Naruto could do nothing but struggle against him, finally freeing his right hand; he swung it at Gaara's face but was blocked by the sand that shot up sensing his malicious intent.

"Nice try, my little kitsune," said Gaara his left hand dancing dangerously close to the top of his pajama pants. Naruto whimpered in fear.

"Kakashi, you punk! Don't just stand there doing nothing!- Wait, what the hell? Is that a camera?!" asked Naruto in disbelief.

"Ummm…noo," lied Kakashi edging closer to them so that he could get a better shot. "Perfect."

"YOU BETTER TURN THAT THING OFF RIGHT NOW!" warned Naruto.

"No, leave it on," said Chiyo. "Think of the money we can make."

"Come on, Naruto" coaxed Kakashi. "_I_ wouldn't mind giving a show."

"I bet you wouldn't, you perv," growled Naruto.

"Haha, of course I wouldn't" said Kakashi with a chuckle.

"I swear Kakashi, I am so gonna kick your ass!" threatened Naruto. And his threat would have worked too if he hadn't ended it in a moan as Gaara grinded his hips down to bring Naruto's attention back to him.

"Hahaha, as if you could" said Kakashi.

"Kakashi. You. Are. So. Dead," said Naruto gritting his teeth. "If I wasn't pinned down right now…"

"You would what? Moan suggestively" retorted Kakashi snickering as Naruto mewled when Gaara slowly pulled down his pants inch by inch.

"You know what? Here, tie his mouth with this bandanna so he will shut up," said Chiyo getting tired of Naruto's whining.

"What the- Get that thing away from me!" but his curses were smothered by the bandanna.

"Good idea, old lady" said Kakashi filming more. "This is much better. Now his screaming will be muffled. Zoom in, camera!"

Naruto whimpered helplessly as a predatory grin placed itself on Gaara's face. They almost felt bad for him when they saw his face.

"Poor Naruto," said Temari sympathetically.

"Yeah, poor Naruto," said Kakashi. "I would help. But filming."

"ACK!! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE, YOU PERV!" Naruto screamed through the bandanna at Gaara.

"Yeah, you should take the bandanna off of him now. I feel bad about that," said Chiyo.

Gaara took it off and immediately regretted it when Naruto screamed, "Asshole!"

"Heh," was Gaara's reply as he smirked at his flustered face.

"Jerk! Stop smiling like that!" yelled Naruto frustrated.

"Why don't you make me," said Gaara with a perverted grin.

"Wha-what do you mean by that?" asked Naruto nervously not liking the lecherous smile on Gaara's face.

"Make me stop."

"Make you stop…?" Naruto's eyes widened as he finally got what he was saying. "You wish! I'm leaving!"

He got up to leave, which surprisingly Gaara allowed. But before Naruto could get to the door, Gaara spoke up and said, "Heh, I knew it," He sighed and shrugged looking Naruto's way. "I knew you would never go through with it."

This made Naruto stop in his tracks. "What did you say?" said Naruto in a deadly voice.

"Well, well. Angry are we?" taunted Gaara knowing that pushing the right buttons would make Naruto snap and it did. He marched back over and pushed Gaara down on the couch again and kissed him willingly just to show that he wasn't backing out.

Everyone gasped in surprise, but Gaara just smirked knowingly. Naruto became more forceful and pulled Gaara up and dragged him into the bedroom.

"Oh my God! I've gotta film this," said Kakashi following right behind him. "We're gonna get so much money out of this!"

But the door was shut right in front of Kakashi's face and was locked from the inside. Kakashi was very annoyed that his plans were thwarted.

"Noo!!" shouted Kakashi banging on the door. "Open the door! Think of all the money we could make!!"

"Yeah open the door!" said Temari, Kankuro and Chiyo joining in on the banging of the door.

"Come on! Help an old lady out, this is much excitement as I can get!" yelled Chiyo.

"Yeah please Gaara, we promise we'll be quiet!" pleaded Temari.

"It's like we're not even there!" said Kankuro.

But the two demon vessels inside just ignored them and continued on with what they were doing. Gaara's sand blockaded the door so that they couldn't barge in.

Naruto clumsily pushed Gaara down on the bed and crawled on top of him looking down at him. He imitated what Gaara was doing a moment ago and started kissing him down his chest, nipping and licking his smooth pale skin. He came back up and kissed him on his lips lightly as if curious as to what they felt like. What they did before was rough and hurried but now he wanted to feel, to touch, to memorize his every feature.

He didn't know why he did it, he could've left a long time ago but he didn't. He stayed. He stayed because of the pathetic excuses that he told himself when he knew this was a bad idea and should have escaped. Maybe he was intrigued by the idea that someone actually…_wanted_ him.

But he shouldn't be doing this, he doesn't even know if Gaara actually loves him or not.This was a bad idea, a really bad idea. He wasn't just going to throw away something as precious as his virginity because of curiosity.

He got up, but Gaara grabbed his hand and pulled him back down. After Naruto's curious and innocent little antics, he was fully aroused and there was no way in hell he was going to let Naruto leave him like that. Naruto gasped as he felt it beneath him. Gaara smirked at him and grinded upward, earning a deep moan from Naruto. Gaara smiled at the response he got.

Naruto was startled as he felt himself getting aroused by that one little action. Gaara snaked his hand up to his blonde hair, knotting his fingers in them and pulling him down to a kiss. He licked his bottom lip and suckled on it pleading for entrance, which Naruto gave almost immediately. Gaara gently rolled him over and straddled him. He broke the kiss to look at his love and was met with a beautiful sight. Naruto lay there panting slightly, cheeks flushed fully and lips parted open invitingly. He was broken from his trance when Naruto did something unexpected; he pushed his hips forward, his now fully awakened member rubbing against Gaara's.

"More," he moaned out. Gaara obliged contentedly and grinded downward with a groan. Naruto met him with each thrust moaning delightfully. Gaara could never imagine in all his dreams that him just touching him like that could send such great pleasures down his body. Naruto's legs went limp with bliss as he neared his completion and with one last thrust they both came.

"Naruto!" he gasped out as he released in his pants. He connected again with Naruto in a passionate kiss before pulling back and kissing him along his jaw line. Naruto chuckled lightly and Gaara looked up in question.

"I told you I'd have you screaming my name out in the end," panted out Naruto with a grin. Gaara just growled and picked him up taking him to the bathroom. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to go take a shower."

"Why are you taking me with you?" asked Naruto squirming in his arms.

"Cause we're taking it together."

"What?" but they were already inside and the door locked with a click. With Naruto still in his hand he turned on the shower to a reasonable heat. "But what if I don't want to take a shower with…"

"If you don't want to take a shower together then…" trailed off Gaara while stripping off his pants and moving towards Naruto. Naruto just stood there in astonishment staring at his length. Gaara took advantage of this and slipped his thumb on the top of his boxers and slowly slid them down. Gaara lightly grabbed his length and stroked it. "…I can just clean you up myself right here, if you want."

Naruto shuddered at his touch feeling a little lightheaded. "The shower would be better…" said Naruto trembling under his touch. Gaara grinned and led him into the shower. The warm water cascaded down their bodies, their seed flowing down with it. Naruto ran his hands down his thighs ridding it of the sticky substance.

"Do that again..." said Gaara licking his lips as he watched Naruto.

"Do what?" asked Naruto looking up.

"Touch yourself…like that," said Gaara advancing towards him.

"Like this?" said Naruto as he smiled impishly running his fingers riskily close to his length. Gaara reacted by rubbing his member against Naruto's and whispered into his ear, "Yes."

"Gaara, why are you doing this?" Naruto asked suddenly. Gaara looked up and said with a grin, "Cause it feels good."

"No, I mean why the sudden interest in me?" asked Naruto nervously. Gaara stopped playing with him when Naruto took on such a serious tone.

"It's not a sudden interest," replied Gaara as he lifted up his chin and looked into his sapphire eyes, "I've liked you since the chuunin exams."

"R-really?" said Naruto with a blush.

"Yes," said Gaara giving him a chaste kiss.

The rest of their shower was followed in a comfortable silence. Gaara finally got his feelings out in the open, now he just needed to know how Naruto feels about this. But he didn't want to rush it, he'll give Naruto time to think about it and then decide what to do next when he gets his reply. But the truth was Naruto didn't know how he felt, this was the first time he had done something like this and it was all too confusing.

When they were finished with their shower, they dried themselves off and tied a towel around their waist. Naruto looked down at his pajamas and said, "Well I guess I can't use those, where are my pants?"

"Hmm…back in the living room," said Gaara. "I'll go get them for you."

"Thanks, Gaara" said Naruto plopping down on the bed his towel hanging haphazardly loose around his hips. Gaara tore his eyes away from that sight and returned back to the matter at hand. He walked out of the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

They all looked up at him expectantly and opened their mouths to overwhelm him with questions. But before they could he said, "Shut it."

Kankuro, Kakashi and Chiyo just said, "Aww man." While Temari giggled and said, "My little Gaara is finally all grown up."

Gaara just ignored them and grabbed the pants from the couch. He walked back to the bedroom door and threw the pants in and said, "Here" before closing it to give him some privacy. Gaara came back to the living room and sat down on the couch with a self-satisfied grin on his face.

"So you did do it, didn't you?" asked Kankuro sitting beside him.

"Come on, tell us how it was," begged Chiyo sitting on the other side of him.

"Naruto was the uke, right?" asked Kakashi sitting on the coffee in front of him. "He is such an uke."

"We didn't do it," said Gaara closing his eyes in hopes of making them disappear.

"What?" they all said in unison.

"Well then, what did you do?" asked Kakashi. "Cause I'm pretty sure I heard moaning coming from inside."

"You listened?!" said Naruto as he came out of the bedroom dressed in his pajama pants.

"We all did," said Kankuro nodding.

"What kind of a sick, perverted- wait never mind what am I saying, stupid question" said Naruto shaking his head at Kakashi. _He reads porn in public and is just as perverted as Jiraiya, the king of all perverts. _

"Well at least we'll still have that videotape," said Kankuro with a shrug.

"Which reminds me…about that videotape, Kakashi…" said Naruto cracking his knuckles. Kakashi paled and said, "Um I just remembered I have to be somewhere…Bye!"

He took off leaving Naruto screaming, "I SWEAR, IF YOU SELL THAT TAPE, YOU'RE DEAD!"

"Noo, why would I do that," came Kakashi's sniggering voice on top of the roof holding the tape in his hand with a gleam in his eyes. "Sucker."

* * *

Finally done! I'm going to go take a long nap now. You guys better review for both parts too. I stayed up until four in the morning writing this. So nighty-nighty! –hits the floor and falls asleep-


	6. Chapter 5

Wow seventy-nine reviews! Thank you so much all of those people who reviewed!! Chocolate chip cookies for everybody!! –throws cookies at the readers-

Random reader: Ow my eye!

Me: Oops…heh heh I'm sure the bleeding will stop…eventually...I hope…

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto cause if I did…hmm…Damn I'm running out of snappy comebacks …-goes and slams her head against a wall- Why can't I come up with snappy comebacks?!

Meg: _-sigh- This is what happens to a writer with writer's block…So have you come with a plan to get back at Gaara for being mean to you and throwing that paperweight at your head?_

Me: Oh yeah. –rubs hands together evilly- Muwhahahahahaha!!!!! He's in for it now. Ah, it's good being an authoress.

Meg:_ Great, she's doing her 'evil' laugh. Somehow I know this is gonna backfire in her face._

Me: -looks up from her evil laughing- What makes you say that?

Meg: _Oh just call it a hunch. Well anyways as her muse I will start off the chapter then. So, hmm yeah well here's Chapter Five cause Chapter Four was in two parts…Enjoy! _

* * *

_Chapter Five_

There are some things that come along with being a Mother Hen; one of those things is sensing when your beloved student/unofficial son is in danger. Call it a sort of sixth sense. And for an experienced Mother Hen such as Iruka sensing these kinds of things is like second nature to him. So when Iruka got an unnatural chill down his spine that morning he knew something was wrong.

"Oh no, my mother hen senses are tingling!" Iruka blurted out in the middle of class.

"Your what senses are tingling?" asked Konohamaru snickering. The whole class burst out in laughter. _Damn, did I just say that out loud?_ Iruka quickly brought back order by snapping a ruler on the desk.

"Quiet!" Iruka's head was magnified tenfold and loomed over them malevolently.

The classroom immediately got quiet and all the students shrunk back in their seats. "Pop Quiz!"

"Aww man!" they chorused dismally.

"That's right and you can thank Konohamaru for that," said Iruka sadistically. "Moegi, here pass out these papers!"

"Yes, Iruka-sensei" she grumbled out.

"And I expect it to be finished by the time I come back!"

"But where are you going, Iruka-sensei," asked one of the kids up front. But he was already out the door and running down the hallway. They looked at each other for a few minutes after he left and then started asking questions like, "So anyone know the answer to number three?" "What's number seven?" "Number five anyone?"

On the way down the hallway, he saw Genma who was carrying a bunch of test papers in his hands. Iruka stopped him and asked,

"Genma-san, would you please substitute for my class? I need to go um check something. It's really important," he said hurriedly.

"I don't know, Iruka. Your students have a pretty bad reputation around here. What was it you called them, _Spawn of Satan_?" said Genma with a bored expression on his face. But Iruka was not in the mood for his crap; he dropped his voice to a low, deadly whisper and said,

"Now look here, you senbon chewing freak, my little Naruto might be in extreme danger right now and if you don't help me I swear I will not hesitate to shove that senbon up your-"

"Ok, ok I get it!" Genma cut in. "Geez, fine I'll do it!"

"Good," said Iruka, he then turned swiftly on the spot and ran towards the exit. "Oh and have a good day, Genma-san!"

"…tch, calling me a freak…you're the freak who keeps changing moods like a woman on her period…" Genma muttered darkly.

"What was that?!"

"Uh nothing," said Genma quickly. "Damn! How did he hear me?…Oh well I'm glad I'm not Kakashi…"

* * *

_At Iruka's House…_

Iruka was in a panic. Naruto was nowhere to be found in the house. By the looks of it, nobody broke in, but then how did they get Naruto? He glanced over at the balcony door, which was wide open. _But no one can get in besides Kakashi and me. How did they get in?_ His question was answered when he went to the balcony and saw the ramen bowl on the floor. _Figures. They used ramen to lure him out of the house!_ He looked out the balcony and saw the telltale strew of ramen bowls that he was sure would lead him to that psycho Sand Nin.

He leapt off the balcony and followed the trail of empty ramen bowls. _When I find that sand freak…_he trailed off thinking of the many ways he would castrate him.

* * *

Elsewhere, Sakura was walking down the streets of Konoha carrying several shopping bags heading towards her friend/enemy Ino's place to brag and show off the stuff she bought when she heard a distinctively loud voice coming from down the street that could only belong to one person, 

"I SWEAR, IF YOU SELL THAT TAPE, YOU'RE DEAD!"

She looked at the source of the noise and found her annoying- nope cross that HOT teammate who was standing half-naked, and rippling with gorgeous, tan muscles…_Oh my God, did-did I just...? I can't believe I just thought that about Naruto…Naruto, the blonde Sex God-No, dammit Sakura get a hold of yourself!_

She was shaken out of her thoughts when she saw Kakashi whiz past her holding a tape in his hands saying something about 'millions' and 'would make Jiraiya proud'. She shook her head and in spite of herself looked back at Naruto who was still fuming at the retreating figure of Kakashi.

_Weird…that's not Naruto's house…hmm what is he doing half-naked in someone else's house…could it be? _Her suspicions were answered when pale hands wrapped around Naruto from behind and a mop of red hair buried itself in his neck. _A redhead huh? Never thought he would go for those types of girls_. _I've got to get closer to get a better look. _She quickly masked her chakra and hid in a tree nearby to spy on them better. She saw Naruto squirming under the confinements of the strong pale hands, which on second glance saw that it was pretty muscular, almost _manly_?_ What the…_ She almost gasped out loud when the red head lifted _his_ head up and started kissing the blonde down his jaw line. Sakura was shocked to say the least. _Gaara…? A-and Naruto…? __Together_

She vaguely heard Gaara ask, "You still like that pink-haired girl?"

"Huh, who Sakura? Well not really, not anymore anyway. She's more like a sister to me."

He seemed to be satisfied with that answer but then unexpectedly looked up at her hiding spot with a cold stare.

"I see," he said icily, raising a non-existent eyebrow at her direction.

_Busted_, thought Sakura fearfully. But it seemed that Gaara wasn't going to do anything to give away her position and went back to nestling his head in the blonde's neck. _Phew, that was close…Hmm, so that's why the Kazekage came here…_she suddenly got a mental image of uke Naruto writhing underneath Gaara while he pounds into him. _Mmm, yum! Hot yaoi goodness…Kya! I can't wait to tell Ino about this juicy, new gossip!_ Sakura left the scene unnoticed by the blonde, heading towards Ino's house with Konoha's hottest new scandal.

* * *

Meanwhile another blonde on the other side of Konoha was ecstatic with joy. Tsunade had just gotten a letter from a messenger ninja from Suna requesting the immediate return of their Kazekage because some things had sprung up with the feudal lords and his presence was needed to settle things down. _This is great! Now that brat will be gone and my little Naruto will be safe from any harm. _

"Hokage-sama, it would be helpful if you told me where he was staying perhaps. So I can brief him on the details before we leave," said the ninja cautiously, not wanting to enrage her for interrupting her thoughts.

"Absolutely, Shizune will take you there personally, won't you Shizune?" said Tsunade overly cordially with a wide grin on her face. The ninja was slightly taken aback by her pleasantries, he was warned of her harsh temper and the fact that she was one of the sannin didn't help either.

"Um, thank you, Hokage-sama" said the man nervously backing away; there was something frightening about the way she smiled like that.

"No problem! Remember to come back anytime! Konoha will always welcome you with open arms," said Tsunade suddenly getting up and hugging the man tightly. He sighed blissfully as his head snuggled between her two giant, breasts; he concluded that maybe nice Tsunade wasn't so bad after all. But Shizune pulled him away before he could enjoy it any further.

"Right this way, Takuna-san" said Shizune cheerfully, pulling him by the arm.

"Huh, what?" was the dazed response he gave her. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and said, "Oh yeah, right."

He followed after her blushing madly, while Tsunade waved them good-bye and said, "Be sure to take good care of this man, Shizune!"

* * *

Iruka was getting closer and closer with each ramen bowl that he passed by. But just as he turned around the corner he was knocked down by a pink blur. That pink blur turned out to be Sakura who was in such a hurry that she didn't see her poor teacher or the mysterious trail of ramen bowls that were lying around and slipped on one of the bowls and plowed headfirst into Iruka, knocking him down. 

"Oh my head," said Sakura rubbing her head as she got up. She looked down at Iruka who was underneath her and poked him hesitantly.

"Iruka-sensei?" she asked anxiously. She poked him again. She started panicking when he didn't move. "Oh noes!!! I killed him!!!"

She looked around fretfully to see if anyone saw her. "What am I gonna do? I killed Iruka-sensei! What if someone finds me! I'm gonna have to move to another village and change my name!"

While she panicked and hyperventilated, Iruka was slowly coming to. Iruka woke up groggily rubbing his sore head and looked up at the pink blur that was coming in and out of focus.

"Sakura…?"

"Iruka-sensei! Oh thank the heavens you're alive!" she squealed hugging him tightly. "I thought I was gonna have to become a missing Nin."

"What?" asked Iruka with a confused expression on his face.

"I mean, nothing. Heh-heh it's not like I almost killed you or anything. Heh-heh…"

"Uh ok," said Iruka, prying her off of him.

"Well I'm gonna go now. I have to tell Ino about Naruto's new romance with Gaara-"

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah I couldn't believe it either. But I saw it with my own eyes, Gaara was practically molesting him in public-"

But he sped off before she finished her sentence. _Molesting him??_ he thought furiously. _Molesting my poor, innocent little Naruto?!_ He saw them standing outside the house that the trail of ramen bowls led him to. Naruto was facing Gaara whose hands, Iruka noted irritably, were resting on the blonde's ass. Even more infuriated than before, he charged at Gaara with the intent to kill.

Just as he was about to pummel Gaara in the face someone jumped out of nowhere screaming, "Kazekage-sama, I will save you!" and took the punch for him. Iruka stood frozen in shock over the totally random thing that had just happened. Meanwhile, Naruto was clutching his heart, panting heavily as if he had just gotten a heart attack. Gaara seemed to be unfazed by this sudden occurrence and just looked down at the crippled figure on the floor indifferently and said, "Takuna-san, you do know that my sand will protect me from any physical attacks thrown at me, right?"

"Right." he said weakly from the floor.

"So you do know that you jumping in front of me to take that punch was completely useless, right?"

"Sadly, yes" he said pitifully.

"Why have you come here, Takuna-san?" asked Gaara with a bored expression on his face

Takuna got up with a pained grunt and bowed down respectfully. "We need you back in Suna immediately, Kazekage-sama. The feudal lords are starting trouble again," said Takuna breathlessly, still bowed down.

"What?" said Gaara with a worried expression on his face.

"You're leaving?" asked Naruto softly, looking down sadly.

"Naruto…" Gaara started but Iruka who had snapped back to his senses cut him off.

"You're leaving!!!" he yelled out joyfully. He pulled Naruto away from him and held him protectively, "Now Naruto will be safe from you."

Gaara just smirked at him defiantly and pulled Naruto away from Iruka's grasps easily, his sand quickly springing up to form a strong wall between them. He pulled Naruto into a tight embrace and gave him a mind-blowing kiss to remember him by.

Naruto broke away from the kiss that left him breathless and asked, "Do you have to go?"

"I have a duty to my village first. You should know that," said Gaara placing his forehead on the blonde's.

"When will you come back?" asked the blonde quietly.

"Can't say for sure but soon," replied Gaara reassuringly kissing him soundly on the cheek. Iruka could be heard clawing more vigorously behind the wall of sand trying to get through.

"Awwww…" came the chorus of sighs behind the wall of sand and it seemed Takuna and Shizune had joined the group with his siblings and Chiyo.

Gaara just sighed irritatedly and said, "Geez, you guys really know how to ruin the moment, don't you?"

Naruto giggled at Gaara's new behavior, the Gaara he knew before would have pummeled them into a bloody pulp by now. _He really has changed_, Naruto thought earnestly.

"Listen, Gaara, it's not that I don't like you or anything…well I don't know if I really do or not…geez this is not coming out the way I wanted…I-I don't know, I'm just really confused right now. This is all happening too fast and-" Naruto stammered out anxiously.

"Shh," said Gaara putting a finger to his lips. "I understand. I'll give you time to think about it. But I'll be expecting your answer when I come back." He said it more forcibly than he wanted it to sound and said as an afterthought. "Of course you can um take your time though. There's no rush or anything."

Naruto giggled again at how flustered Gaara looked which just made him even more uncomfortable.

"You're cute when you're all insecure and stuff," said Naruto pecking him on the cheek. Gaara flushed lightly at the sudden gesture.

"How cute!!" Temari cooed going into a fit of giggles. The rest of the "Aww, isn't that cute?" club starting giggling too.

"You guys are really annoying, you know that?" Gaara growled out, getting annoyed by the minute at their interruptions.

"Heehee, sorry" said Temari, still giggling. Gaara groaned with annoyance and turned back to Naruto who was looking at the floor again, his bangs hiding his expression.

"Well, I guess you're going to have to leave now to do your Kazekage duties, huh?" said Naruto breaking away from the embrace, fixing the front of Gaara's shirt absentmindedly.

"I'll be back soon, I promise," said Gaara brushing away the hair from his face. He kissed him on his forehead ignoring the impending chorus of 'Awws' that was sure to follow. He just rolled his eyes and continued on, "Remember one thing, I meant what I said. This isn't some random crush."

Naruto nodded, still looking at the ground. He had just gotten something good and before he could wrap his fingers around it, it was starting to slip away. Just like everything else had. But Gaara's reassurance had given him some hope at least. He looked up and gave Gaara one of his biggest, brightest smiles and said, "You better come back."

"I will," said Gaara with a smile.

"Aww-"

"Oh shut up already!" Gaara snapped angrily at his siblings and Chiyo.

* * *

Me: -sniff- 

Meg: _Are you crying?_

Me: Nooo -dabs away tears-…ok yeah. It's just that….well I feel so bad for making Naruto sad by making Gaara go back to Suna. I've had to stop myself from rewriting the whole chapter like nine times already.

Meg: _-sigh- But it must be done. Naruto needs some time to think without Gaara interfering and trying to rape him every ten seconds. _

Me: I guess you're right. –hand strays to keyboard-

Meg: _-smacks her hand- You were going to go and change the story right now, weren't you?_

Me: Nooo…..ok yes. Fine, fine I won't change it. I guess I'll just focus on something else like my revenge on Gaara. Hehehe…

**But for that to work, I need ****your**** help. Yes ****you****, the **_**reader**_**, and most importantly the **_**reviewer**_**. I have a special assignment for you! Yes, you! Now there is no doubt in our minds that Kakashi is going to sell that tape of Gaara ravishing Naruto for the whole world to see, no matter what right? So what I need you to do is come up with a good porno title for that tape. Trust me, it is really important for the story line. **

Meg: _It's amazing how quickly she changes moods…-shakes her head- Tsk, tsk. Shameless exploitations of readers…._

**Shut up, Meg! Don't listen to her! Just remember to leave your suggestion in your review or pm me it. But they have to be serious, considerable suggestions that might actually work; they can't be half-ass attempts okay? I'm not guaranteeing that I will use yours if you put it in a review; I'm not saying that **_**any**_** of the reviewers' suggestions will be used. I'm just saying that if it is really good I will use it and give you an honorable mention. Now that doesn't sound like much but think about it, it's either a really good name you guys came up with or the corny name I came up with: **_**Jinchuuriki Lovin'. **_**Eh, but then again my friend liked that name so if you think the one I came up with is good enough then that's good too. **


	7. Chapter 6

So the votes are in for the PTNC (Porno Tape Name Challenge) and-

Meg: _Votes? What votes? You never asked our opinion…_

Naruto and Gaara: -glares- Yeah…punk…

Me: Ahem…who's the authoress here? Yeah, me, so shut it!

So anyways, drum roll please –clangs pots and pans- Well it's a tie! Today's honorable mentions are….**Slightly Wicked **and** KCameh**!!!

_Buuuuuut_…You know what? So many of you wonderful people said that the name I came up with was good that I decided to use it cause you all boosted my ego and well, it works well with the story (trust me you'll know what I'm talking about in the next chapter). Still **Slightly Wicked's **and **KCameh's **suggestions are really good so I have found a way to somehow incorporate their ideas into the story without changing it too much. Don't know if I should reveal it to you guys now and spoil the story or not. Nah, you'll find out later…heehee.

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me but the way this story is going it won't be long until Gaara owns Naruto _if you know what I mean_…

Naruto: -gets nervous- Eh, what _do_ you mean by that?

Me: Ehehehe you'll see soon enough…-gets out flashlight and starts laughing maniacally- Muwhahahahahaha!!!

Naruto: Pixistixs, you're scaring me…

Me: Hmmm, you're the second person to say that to me…

Naruto: Who was the first?

Me: My mother. She saw me talking to my stuffed pig…but it's just so cute and fat!! It barely has any legs!! They're so itty-bitty!!

Naruto: -slowly backs away- I think you better lay off the coffee and the mysterious white stuff you put in them which I'm pretty sure is _not_ sugar…

Me: Hey that's what my friend said too!! In fact, everyone says that to me…I wonder why? Haha well whatever here's Chapter Six!

* * *

_Chapter Six_

It was three days. Three days since that psycho freak Gaara went back to his village and Naruto still hadn't talked to anyone or gotten out of his room for anything else besides to get something to eat. He was starting to be like Sasuke, brooding all the time, which was quite scary coming from Naruto, who couldn't go five minutes without talking.

"Naruto," Iruka called from the kitchen. "Dinner's ready."

There was some shuffling coming from the other room as Naruto walked out wearing a wrinkled white shirt and a pair of black slacks. He rubbed his head making his hair look even more disheveled. He sat down in the dinner table without so much as a glance at Iruka, too preoccupied with his own thoughts to even greet his former sensei.

"So what did you do all day?" asked Iruka in an attempt to make some conversation.

"Hn" Naruto grunted as he swallowed his food. He unconsciously lifted his fingers to his lips tracing it, imagining how good it felt to have Gaara's lips against his. "Nothing. Just thinking."

"I see," said Iruka, narrowing his eyes as he watched Naruto. He frowned to himself, from what Tsunade had told him about Gaara, he was not to be trusted. To her, anyone from Sand was not to be trusted ever since the Chuunin Exam incident. Whatever Gaara was here for, Tsunade had told him, it was for a bigger ulterior motive and he was to by all means protect Naruto from him. But Iruka was having second thoughts; what if what he was doing was wrong? What if he was actually preventing Naruto from finally finding love?

"Naruto," he said after a long silence. Naruto looked up from his plate. Iruka decided that maybe it would be best to finally bring up the subject that had been bugging him since Naruto went into his brooding state of silence. "Do you like Gaara?"

Naruto looked surprised when he asked that, "I don't know. This is all new to me."

"What do you mean?" asked Iruka frowning.

"Well, the thing is… He's the first one. You know to actually like me. The first one to find me attractive…"

_The first one?!_, Iruka thought, could feel the tick in his eyebrows starting to twitch again._ Naruto could be so clueless!_ _Seriously, how blind could you possibly be to not notice the loads of people that stalk him everyday?_ "Naruto," he asked calmly closing his eyes, keeping his anger intact. "Do you even own a mirror?"

When he opened his eyes what he didn't expect was tears to come out his 'son's' eyes. "So you think I'm ugly too?!"

"No you freakin-" Iruka stopped himself from exploding with anger at how completely idiotic Naruto could be. He took a deep breath and continued, "I meant that as a compliment."

"Really?" said Naruto blinking back tears.

"He's not the first one…" he finally said with a heavy sigh, remembering that dreadful day when Naruto turned fifteen. _There were so many…so many. _He had to practically beat them away with broomsticks. "He's not the _first_ one to find you attractive."

"What do you mean, Iruka-sensei?" asked Naruto, wiping off his tears.

"Naruto," Iruka said with a sigh. "Remember about a year ago on your fifteenth birthday? When Sakura made you burn your orange jumpsuit?"

Naruto's eyes suddenly took a stormy turn as he said, "I will never forget that day."

"Yeah well remember after that day, more girls _and_ guys starting approaching you?" he egged on hoping the blonde will catch on to what he was saying.

"Yeah, yeah and Kakashi-sensei kept making those perverted comments about me," said Naruto furrowing his eyebrows. "And Jiraiya wanted me to model for one of his porno books, for some reason."

"Yeah," said Iruka with a grim expression on his face as he remembered how he beat the crap out of both of them for doing that. "And remember how you got all those _mysterious_ letters sent to your house which I said was junk mail from real estate people that want to scam you out of your money?"

"Yeah, it was a good thing you warned me about that," said Naruto with a goofy grin on his face. Iruka had to seriously stop himself from slapping his forehead in frustration.

"All those letters were from your secret admirers!" Iruka shouted, finally losing it. "In case you haven't frickin noticed, you're quite attractive!"

Naruto just blinked as he took in all this information, "So it wasn't the evil real estate people?"

"No, you-" Iruka growled as he felt himself losing his temper again. "Naruto, half of Konoha's younger generation lusts after you. They went so far as making a fan club dedicated to you which was headed by none other than _Hyuuga Hinata_."

Naruto gasped in shock at this new information, "Hinata? Why I would have never expected it from her!"

Iruka rolled his eyes in disbelief. _How much of a moron do you have to be to NOT see that one coming?_ Iruka continued nonetheless trying not to snap at him for being so dense. "Their members stalked you, sent you flowers, love letters and god knows what else" he briefly thought of the perverted adult toys Sai had sent Naruto. The blonde came over to his house holding the not-so-innocent _dildo_ almost giving him a heart attack as he asked what he was supposed to do with it. Boy did Kakashi have a field day with that one but Iruka conked him on the head before he could give the blonde a couple of suggestions about what he _could_ do with it. He shook his head and continued, "It was almost becoming a second job for me just keeping them at bay and Gaara is just-"

"Iruka-sensei," he interrupted, his eyes turning dark as he sensed where this was going. "If you think that Gaara is only after me for my 'looks' then you're wrong… cause he said he liked me since the Chuunin Exams…_before_ Sakura forced me into a makeover."

"Um well that still doesn't mean-"

"Hn, so you think it's too good to be true, too?" he asked quietly his face impassive.

"Naruto you know I don't mean it like that-"

"I know. I know you're just trying to look out for me," said Naruto getting up from his seat. "It's just…I'm afraid that that'll be the truth."

He watched as Naruto made his way to his room. This was all going wrong, Iruka had hoped to somehow cheer up the blonde by talking to him but if anything he might have just made him even more depressed than before. He did not know how to give advice on love at least not when he wasn't exactly being impartial and non-judgmental. He sighed dejectedly as he prepared himself to say the next words. _Crap…I'm gonna regret this later…_ He got up from his seat and said, "Naruto, why don't you…um talk to Kakashi about this?"

* * *

_Meanwhile in Suna…_

Gaara stared glassy-eyed, down at the long table as the feudal lords bickered amongst themselves. To both sides of him sat Temari and Kankuro who were trying so hard not to make it so obvious that they were not listening to a word coming out of the dull feudal lord's mouth.

"…we should raise the taxes for the citizens by at least…er, Kazekage-sama? Kazekage-sama?"

"Gaara!" Temari hissed at his side, shaking him from his daydream.

"Wha-?" he said awakening from the sweet, sweet daydream he had about Naruto. He looked around at the council members and feudal lords sitting at the table who were all giving him a weird look. He cleared his throat and asked, "Is that all?"

"Well actual-"

"Great," he said interrupting the man. "We will continue this tomorrow." He got up to leave but found that was a not a very good idea at the moment since he was half hard as a result of the daydream that Shukaku conjured up. It was a really good thing that the Kazekage robe hid _most_ things. He quickly sat down and cleared his throat again, "On second thought, how about we finish this up today."

_Dammit Shukaku! You almost embarrassed me in front of the whole council!_

_**What? It's not like you didn't enjoy that little slide show I showed you of how Naruto would look drizzled in chocolate…**_

_Shukaku! This is NOT the time nor place for-_

_**Oh shut up, hypocrite! It's not like I'm the only one who's bored out of my mind here! So let's do each other a favor and let me have a little fun…**_

_Shukaku-_

_**You know, you should at least try to look like your listening cause I think they're starting to get suspicious…**_

_What makes you say that?_

"…Kazekage-sama! Are you even listening!" said the elderly man who was speaking at the moment about border problems and whatnot. He rapped the table with his fingers impatiently waiting to get Gaara's attention. He was one of the people that were against making Gaara the new Kazekage. He thought Gaara was too young and incompetent to lead a village and made no move to conceal his disapproval of the new leader.

_**That.**_

_Right…_

"Of course I am," he growled crossly. "Now get on with it."

Despite his bravado at standing up to the Kazekage the man still flinched a little at the harsh tone he used but continued on anyway with a nervous glance at the Kazekage. "S-so as I was saying…"

_**Haha, I think that one might have almost wet his pants!**_

_Shut up! I have to concentrate on getting rid of this goddamn erection before I humiliate myself in front of the whole council…Think Chiyo baa-sama... Naked…_

_**Really? Oh so that's what you've been doing? Let me help you with that…hehehe…**_

Shukaku proceeded to show naked pictures of Naruto all in a variety of positions that Gaara could take him.

…

_**You like it?**_

…_is that last one even possible?…_

_**It is with a little flexibility on Naruto's part. Which I'm pretty sure he can pull off; he does look very nimble doesn't he?**_

Gaara mentally cursed Shukaku in every way possible when he showed him a picture of Naruto in a sexy yet impossibly twisted position which had almost made him come right there and then.

_**You have a very…colorful vocabulary…**_

_I learn from the best…_

…_**Touché…**_

Gaara shook himself from his thoughts and looked at Chiyo pointedly to force the erection down. _Think wrinkles…liver spots…removable teeth,_ that last one made him shiver in repulsion. _Oh good, I think it's going down…_

_**Haha, not if I can help it! **_

Shukaku cackled as he showed Naruto desperately trying to pump himself off screaming Gaara's name. _Oh God…_Gaara ran his fingers through his hair in frustration as he bit down on his lips drawing blood to stop the moan that was threatening to escape his mouth. He growled angrily at Shukaku, feeling his member jump up in action again.

However, the people in the meeting room got the wrong idea as they turned to look at him with an anxious look on their faces. The young chuunin that was speaking gulped in fear thinking that he had offended the Kazekage somehow.

"Gaara, are you okay?" whispered Temari worriedly at his side.

"Yes," he said in a ticked off tone, his anger getting the better of him as sand spilled out of his gourd and started swirling menacingly behind him.

"O-or we can always wait another year or so for those ninja supplies," said the man sweating visibly. He nervously sat back down in his chair his hands trembling as he straightened the papers in front of him.

Gaara glared down the table channeling the anger he felt for Shukaku towards them. "Well, anything else?" he asked curtly his eyes making every single one of them to shrink back in their seats.

"N-none at all, Kazekage-sama" they all stammered out.

"Then the meeting is over. You are all dismissed," as soon he said those word they all got out of their seats and rushed to the door with relief.

Gaara ran his hands through his hair once more, picking up his Kazekage hat and placing it in his lap to cover his 'problem'.

"Gaara, what the hell is wrong with you?" Kankuro hissed at him once he made sure there was no one else in the room besides him and Temari.

"It's nothing," he said gritting his teeth, covering his face with his hand.

"Are you sure?" asked Temari, placing her hand on his forehead. "Your face feels hot. Are you sure you don't have a fever?"

"Yes, I'm pretty sure," said Gaara brushing off her hand.

"Then what's wrong?" asked Kankuro.

"Nothing is wrong! I said I'm fine!" Gaara snapped as he stood up.

_**Bad move, kid…**_

_What?_

_**Look down…**_

Gaara looked down and his siblings' eyes followed as they _all_ saw _what_ was wrong. There it was, the little tent of shame, which spoke volumes of what exactly was going through _Gaara's_ mind during the meeting.

_Crap..._

_**Oh yeah, big time…**_

"Not one word," Gaara warned, glaring at his siblings who were red in the face.

"Mm-hmm," they both said through tight lips afraid that if they opened their mouths they wouldn't be able to stop the laughter that was about to burst out of them.

"I'm… going to go take a shower," said Gaara stiffly walking towards the door still holding the Kazekage hat over his nether region. "A really _cold_ shower."

"Mm-hm," they nodded, trying to stifle their laughter by biting their knuckles.

As soon as he closed the door the room was filled with raucous laughter and pounding of fists and the constant mantra of "…oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god…" Gaara's non-existent eyebrows twitched as he growled loudly scaring away anyone that happened to be in the hallway.

_**Real smooth, kid…I mean really, thinking dirty thoughts during an important meeting like that?…Tsk, tsk such bad qualities in a leader who's in charge of an entire village…Haven't you ever heard of the saying 'don't mix business with pleasure'?…**_

"Grr...SHUT UP, YOU GODDAMN RACCOON!"

If people thought Gaara was crazy before, this little outburst just proved them right. The guard ninja that were standing at the end of the hallway were startled out of their post and immediately looked around for the aforementioned noisy raccoon upon finding none they looked back at him with a look of concern.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" Gaara yelled at them.

"N-nothing, Kazekage-sama" they stuttered out as they bowed down. They stayed like that until he rushed past them mumbling something about 'perverted hyperactive raccoons that won't shut up'.

* * *

Me: Done! Weeee! –goes back to hugging her stuffed pig- Oh piggy, you're so cute, yes you are! Yes you are… 

Gaara: …freak…

Me: You're one to talk! Come on piggy, let's get away from the crazy psycho man….

Gaara: Why you-! –smirks- You know what? That pig is pretty cute…cute enough to eat! Come here bacon- I mean piggy…

Me: Wah! Get away from him…you pig molester! –runs away with her piggy-

Heehee so yeah this is just a transition chapter. Just wanted to put that out there cause it's been bugging me since I made Gaara leave, eh but it somehow didn't flow too well so forgive me for that. And what else well oh god um I really hope Shukaku is a raccoon though cause I read somewhere that he was a raccoon dog or something but whatever I'm not changing it now. Besides it wouldn't be as funny if I wrote raccoon dog would it? So don't try to dispute it cause even if he is really a raccoon dog, he will still be a raccoon in my story. And to anyone who is wondering, Gaara gets his pervertedness from Shukaku…that should have been obvious.

Coming up in Chapter Seven you will finally get to see the infamous porno tape in action! Also, due to popular demand I will be bringing Sasuke back soon…very soon and as one reviewer put it, there will be lots of triangle-drama maybe even some _quadrangle-drama!_ Dun dun dun…Yes while you ponder why I said quadrangle-drama don't forget to review, my wonderful readers!

**Oops forgot to add this in before. Um I have new plot in mind for a another story and need to know which pairing you guys would like better: kakanaru or itanaru?**


	8. Chapter 7

O.O Wow! A hundred and forty-six reviews…-is speechless-

Disclaimer: If I owned it I don't think the censors would like it very much…

-x-x-x-

Itachi: Ahem, so I read your other story…

Me: Er…heh heh you did? Which one?

Itachi: I believe it was "Meet Sasuke Uchiha" -cracks knuckles-

Me: O.o…crap

Itachi: -turns on Sharingan- You better run.

Me: –runs far away- I'm sorry!! I got a bit carried away with my authoress powers! Don't hurt me!!

**A/N**: Akatsuki makes a huge appearance in this chapter, and so does Sasuke but not as much because I had a little too much fun with Akatsuki. And lastly the infamous porno tape comes into play in this chapter -cue dramatic music-

* * *

_Chapter_ _Seven_

Naruto tied his hitai-ate around his neck (obeying the threat Sakura made long ago promising imminent pain if he didn't follow her orders) and put his last kunai inside his weapon's pouch. He quietly tip-toed over to the door using his super awesome ninja creeping skills. _Muwhahaha no one can beat my super awesome ninja skills!_ Glancing at Iruka's room before heading out the door, he made sure to close it lightly so that he wouldn't wake up. Once out the door he let out a sigh of relief before sprinting away quietly, snickering deviously under his breath. He walked out into the streets breathing in fresh air for the first time in a long time (coughthreedayscough). He turned and headed towards the Hokage tower to ask Tsunade for a special favor. The favor being permission to go to Suna for a few days to see Gaara. But what he doesn't know is that, like Iruka, Tsunade also had a pre-existing hatred towards said Sand-nin...

The reason for going to Suna was not because he had an answer for Gaara yet. In fact it was far from it, these past three days were a complete mess, with him wallowing in self-depression and Iruka trying his best to cheer him up without being biased and showing his complete disapproval of Gaara. Basically, he got nowhere. So he figured that the only way to sort out this mess is to go speak with the person that caused all of this confusion in the first place.

Gaara.

His face flushed hotly, remembering his last encounter with Gaara, flashes of their little escapade flitted through his mind. By now Naruto's face resembled a perfectly red tomato. He mentally reprimanded himself letting his thoughts stray to what he considered the 'danger zone'. Shaking his head vigorously, he strode on forward focusing on what was at hand. Right, Tsunade, he needed to talk with Tsunade (more like beg on his knees, but that's beside the point). Which was precisely why he snuck out of the house without Iruka's consent because there was no way in Hell Iruka would let him go to Suna after what happened last time. He all but shoved the Sand siblings out the village gates under the premise of '_sending them off'_.

As Naruto was walking down the streets he couldn't help but notice several girls crying forlornly at him (he swore one of them cried out, "Why?? I can be all you want!!") and others (that is to say the _boys_) were waggling their eyes suggestively in his direction. Naruto backed away nervously from them wondering what the hell is wrong with the village's youth lately. Shaking his head, he went on with his business ignoring the weird looks he got. But then there were the hoots and catcalls of "Hey baby!" and "Bow chicka wah-wah!" (1). At first he thought he was imagining things because when he looked back everyone was minding their own business. But then it got more frequent and loud to the point where he was getting very annoyed. He turned around swiftly but didn't find anyone behind him besides Hinata, that is (he knew it wasn't her since all the catcalls he got were from, judging by their voices, males) . But Hinata for some reason or another upon seeing him blushed beet red and ran away hurriedly yelling out, "I swear I didn't watch it, Naruto-kun!"

He quirked an eyebrow at the weird Hyuuga heir, who looked like a purple dot right now at the speed she was running at. _Didn't watch what…? _He shrugged it off as another eccentricity of the shy Hyuuga girl and kept walking. But unfortunately the amount of wierdness for the day hadn't just ended with the Hyuuga. On his way he met several of his friends who all gave him a weird look and an equally weird and confusing remark.

When he had said hi to Shikamaru, the lazy-nin smirked widely and said in a tone he couldn't quite place,

"Hn, well hello to you too. Never thought you'd be the type to be so '_open'_, Naruto."

Chouji, who was walking beside Shikamaru with his usual bag of chips nodded, agreeing with Shikamaru,

"Yep, I would've never expected that. Even from you, Naruto-kun. That was a pretty gutsy."

_Gutsy? What the hell is he goin' on about?_ Naruto thought as he watched the plump ninja stuff himself with chips. But they had left before he could inquire any further.

Next he had met Ino and Tenten who immediately went googly-eyed and giggled profusely at the sight of him.

"Naruto-kun, you sly dog, you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh don't act so innocent, after what we've seen, right Ino?"

"Right TenTen, innocent is far from it."

_Weird…_he thought as he watched them walk away still giggling. If he thought they were weird Lee was weirder than the both of them.

"Naruto-kun! Your flames of youth are shining bright indeed! It is so youthful and brave for you to show all without any fear! You would make Gai-sensei proud of how courageous you are…"

He went on with his tirade about youth while Naruto quietly slipped away wondering where in the hell the sunset background came from. _Sunset-no-Jutsu perhaps? Haha probably the only genjutsu he knows,_ Naruto thought with a snicker.He didn't ponder on that much as he ran straight into Neji's chest. When he said sorry, Neji didn't reply back with a snobby comment like usual instead he stuttered out a "I-it's okay…"

Ok, scratch that, Neji was the weirdest of them all. He was acting more like a certain other Hyuuga heir than the stuck up prodigy he was. He kept looking down not making eye contact with him, with a clear blush plastered on his face. Of course if Naruto had had the time to look at Neji _properly_ he would've wondered why his byakugan was on, and why he kept looking at a certain _area, which_ would explain the blush. But of course he was in a hurry to see Tsunade-baa chan so he didn't notice such details.

He was almost at the tower when he was stopped by none other Sai the penis-loving, Sasuke look-alike. He had this weird grin on his face, it wasn't his usual fake grin but something more mysterious; in fact come to think of it Shikamaru had the same kind grin on his face too.

"So I guess you aren't as dickless as I thought you were," said Sai, the damn grin still on his face. "It takes a lot of balls to do what you did."

Before Naruto could object about being called 'dickless' Kiba, who he swore had come out of nowhere, interrupted him. He gave him a hard slap on the ass and howled, "Bow chicka wah-wah."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?!" Naruto groused as he rubbed his sore ass, giving Kiba a hard kick in the shins for doing that.

"Don't act like you don't know," said Sai with a smirk.

"Know what?" he asked him innocently which made them all blink in surprise.

They stared at him with a raised eyebrows as he continued looking at them with a confused expression on his face. Kiba was the first to talk.

"You mean to tell me you really don't know about the latest gossip that's been circulating around Konoha?"

"No, I was in Iruka's house the whole time…Why? What happened?"

They didn't say anything and just pointed behind him. He turned around to look at what they were pointing at and his jaw dropped to the floor in disbelief as he stared at the poster in front of him.

_Ever wonder what Kazekages do for fun? What they do to unwind at the end of the day when they're tired from paperwork and meetings? Well reading a good book and taking a nice nap is not what this hormone-driven teenage Kazekage does. Watch as this horny Kazekage thoroughly ravishes our very own blonde bombshell, Naruto 'Sexy-Pants' Uzumaki in..._

_Jinchuuriki Lovin': A tale of two horny jinchuuriki, a couch and a lucky man who happened to have a camera in hand._

_Get it now before it gets banned._

Rated: XXX

Warning: May cause massive, spontaneous nosebleeds resulting in blood loss, unconsciousness and in some rare cases death.

Underneath this was a picture of Naruto handcuffed to the headboard wearing absolutely nothing, while Gaara (also naked -insert blushing Naruto here-) loomed over him holding a whip.

"KAKASHI YOU ARE SO FUCKING DEAD!!!"

-x-x-x-

Deidara woke up with a grunt when he heard a distant echo of '…dead…dead…dead…'. He glanced over at the clock to find that it was nine-thirty in the morning and decided to get out of bed to get some breakfast before it's all gone. Usually that wouldn't be the case since there would only be one two-man team at the base at any given moment but today was different because they just recently extracted the Two-Tailed Demon Cat Nibi, so all the Akatsuki members were currently in the base. Which meant if he didn't get his butt moving the other members would've finished all the 'good' food and he would be stuck with… _oatmeal_. He shuddered at the thought of that. Sasori had been the cause of that all the other times_ damn bastard always holds a grudge_ (he was trying to get back at him for dressing up his puppets in pink frilly dresses). He would always get up earlier than him and turn off the alarm just to spite him so that he would miss his breakfast. _But not today…_

He looked across the room at his partner who was still sleeping peacefully. He grinned mischievously as an idea popped into his head. He crept over to Sasori's bed and positioned his puppets and strings all around the bed. After finishing his handiwork, he took in a deep breath before letting out a high-pitched scream and yelling "WE'RE BEING ATTACKED!!!!!"

The red head immediately sprung up out of bed in alarm, tripped over his puppets, got tangled among the numerous puppet strings all the while cursing at the top of his lungs for all he was worth. Deidara watched on laughing his ass off while Sasori promised a number of painful ways of killing him. He glared angrily at Deidara as he hung in midair, the puppet strings holding him from falling to the ground. Deidara straightened himself up after almost busting a gut from laughing so much and walked out of room with a satisfied grin while Sasori sprung up and down as he struggled to get out of the entanglement. Of course there is only so much weight the puppet strings could hold without the help of chakra and so when Deidara heard a loud thud signifying that the strings snapped and Sasori fell flat on his face,his face split in two as the last part of his prank fell into place **–A/N "haha get it 'fell' into place, yes I couldn't resist that pun"- **

He immediately scampered out of there before Sasori could catch up with him and exact his revenge. Upon arriving at the dining room his face lit up with joy when he found that there were still some waffles and eggs left. He ran over and stacked his plate with the three waffles that were left and drenched them with syrup and whipped cream. He went over to the dining table and sat beside Hidan and Kakuzu. Leader was sitting at the head of the table drinking coffee, Kisame sat across from him stuffing his face with bacon, while Zetsu was licking his lips delightfully as he looked down at the meat in front of him that oddly looked like a human arm** –A/N "-gag- he's a cannibal, remember?"-**. Itachi wasn't at the dining table since he was out buying his _essentials_ (meaning _herbal_ _essence_, _conditioner_, _nail_ _polish_, _nail_ _polish_ _remover_ etc.), and Tobi, well nobody cared about Tobi. Deidara sighed happily as he sat down at the table about to eat his wonderful breakfast, but when he stabbed his plate there was nothing but air. He looked up to see Sasori, his face stuffed with waffles and whipped cream, chewing slowly saying "Mmm, tasty". Deidara watched in absolute horror as he finished the rest of it in less than two minutes flat.

"But-but what am I gonna eat, un?" Deidara whimpered pitifully his eyes brimming with tears.

"There's oatmeal," said Sasori with an evil grin, handing him a bowl of disgusting oatmeal. Deidara nearly gagged as he looked at it. It wasn't the sugary oatmeal either, it was plain and dry because nobody had touched it since forever and Deidara suspected it was the same oatmeal from a few months back.

"Well, eat it Deidara," said Kakuzu grinning evilly. "It would be a waste to have to have bought it to just throw it away."

"Yeah, eat it," goaded Hidan joining in on the fun.

Deidara gulped nervously at the gray blob as he lowered his spoon into it. Just as he was about to touch it, it twitched. This time Deidara let out a real shriek and screamed, "The fucking thing just moved!…Un!"

"What? No way!" said Hidan inspecting it. He was inches from poking it with his finger when the 'thing' growled at him. Hidan shrieked like a little girl and jumped into Kakuzu's arms, "HOLY FUCKING JASHIN-SAMA, IT FUCKING GROWLED AT ME!!"

"Get off, you moron," said Kakuzu irritatedly, dropping him on the floor.

"You guys are a bunch of pussies, seriously" said Kisame, pointing at the blob of mutant oatmeal. "That thing is harmless-OW! WHAT THE FUCK IT HAS TEETH?!"

At this point, the rest of the Akatsuki members started screaming in horror and flailing their arms in panic like a bunch of little girls. Sasori was the only one trying to kill the mutant oatmeal and was getting annoyed by the minute because it kept eating his weapons. Leader just sighed and rolled his eyes getting back to his newspaper on world events (gotta keep up with the currents events in all the hidden villages). While Zetsu was hoping one of them would accidentally trip and fall into his mouth, or at least he would make it _seem_ like it was an _accident_.

Suddenly there was a crash as the door broke down and everyone looked at the pissed off female standing in the doorway. Konan glared at all of them, her blue hair sticking up in weird places.

"What the _hell_ is going on here?!"

"The killer mutant oatmeal thingy is trying to kill us all, un!!" Deidara whined pointing at the gray blob, which was sticking out its tongue (O.o it has a tongue, too?) at Sasori who looked beyond offended as his eyebrow twitched with annoyance.

Konan walked over calmly to the mutant oatmeal, which reared up and let out a hiss. She growled back at it ferociously and took out her fist and smashed the poor mutant oatmeal thingy into a pulp. They watched in horror as she proceeded to keep smashing it until there was nothing left of the table or the floor for that matter but a giant crater. She left the terrified Akatsuki members in the dining room muttering, "…bastards woke me up from my beauty sleep…fucking gay-ass, pussies afraid of a little gray blob…tch I have to do everything around here…"

Everything was quiet until she slammed the door to her room. Leader cleared his throat as he straightened his newspaper and explained, "Um…TOM is over…" (2)

"Oh," they all said simultaneously taking out their secret calendars to find a skull and bones sign for the whole week.

"Great, now we have to stock up on chocolate. What a waste of money," said Kakuzu shaking his head as he calculated the costs.

"Would you rather deal with that all week?!" hissed Deidara in a low voice, pointing at Konan's room.

"I know, but does she have to be so picky? It has to be the good expensive kind," said Kakuzu rolling his eyes.

There was a loud slam of the door as Tobi skipped into the room holding something in his hand. "DEIDARA-SAMA, I'M HOME!!!"

All their heads darted over at Konan's room in fear, but thankfully she didn't wake up after all that racket. Just as Tobi was about to open his big mouth again Deidara tackled him to the ground, smothering his face on the floor.

"Shut up, or else she'll wake up again, un!" he hissed at him stomping his head with his foot.

"Oh but Tobi is good boy, Deidara-sama," said Tobi in a muffled voice. "Tobi found something on Jinchuuriki, Deidara-sama, yes Tobi did."

At this Leader raised an eyebrow, putting down his newspaper (right before he was about to read the gossip column too, kukuku). "What is it, Tobi?"

"It's a videotape, Leader-sama," said Tobi his face still planted firmly on the ground by Deidara's foot, he took out the tape from his cloak and showed him.

"A videotape?" said Deidara taking the tape from him and looking at it curiously. He read the title on the tape, "_Jinchuuriki Lovin'… _what the fuck is this shit, un?"

"_Jinchuuriki Lovin'_?" repeated Sasori snatching the tape from Deidara. "Sounds like a porno…"

"It is a porno! Look at the cover, un," said Deidara pointing at the half-naked picture of a redhead and blonde in a sexual position.

"Deidara, isn't this the jinchuuriki we were supposed to capture?" asked Sasori pointing at the redhead.

"Yeah, you're right," said Deidara looking at it more carefully.

"What the hell are you talking about?" said Leader getting up and snatching the tape. He looked at it in disbelief said, "What the hell…it's the Kazekage and the Kyuubi brat…"

"What?! Blondie's in a porno? Let me see!" said Kisame looking over Leader's shoulder.

Sasori's curiosity immediately peaked as he looked at the similarities between the blonde and redhead in the tape to Deidara and himself. He looked to the side and said in a seemingly uninterested way, "I think we should watch it, you know…-ahem- to learn more about the Jinchuuriki…"

"Yeah let's watch it! It should be good, un!" said Deidara bouncing up and down.

"We're not watching a porno!"

"Aww…"

"At least not without some popcorn! Tobi make us popcorn!"

"Yes Tobi make popcorn. Tobi is good boy!" said Tobi getting up since Deidara had left a long time ago to turn on the TV.

"The rest of you to the living room," said Leader leading the way** -A/N "and the puns keep on coming"**. He sneered at Kakuzu as he said, "And you said buying the big screen TV was a waste of money."

"Tch, whatever," scoffed Kakuzu.

"I just hope Jashin-sama approves…" said Hidan holding up his prayer beads.

They all sat down in the living room staring at the big screen TV in anticipation. Leader was sitting in the middle of the couch with Sasori and Kisame sitting beside him. Kakuzu sat on one of the leather chairs keeping a wary eye on Hidan who stood behind Leader making faces at him. Zetsu sat on the other chair with a bored expression on his face as Deidara tried to figure how to work the TV.

"Deidara pop in the tape," ordered Leader. "Tobi, where's that popcorn?"

"Coming Leader-sama!" said Tobi skipping into the room with the popcorn. "Is Tobi good boy? Tobi make nice popcorn. Popcorn so good and yummy. Yummy, yummy, yummy! Yummy in my tummy. Yes, yes Tobi must be very good boy-

"Shut up, un! It's starting!" said Deidara hurrying back to sit down in front of Sasori. Tobi went and sat down next to Zetsu who patted his head and said, "Tobi is a good boy. But Tobi can't watch this kind of inappropriate material so Tobi is gonna have to leave the room. "

"Aww….", said Tobi as he dragged his feet and left the room. He peeked back into the room and asked, "But can I at least-"

"No."

"Damn."

"What did you say?"

"I said Tobi is good boy!"

"_Right._"

They stared at the screen as the porno-ahem- I mean _educational video on jinchuuriki_ started. In big letters the title of the tape came on, with the background showing Gaara pinning Naruto into the couch licking the seal on his stomach.

"A redhead and a blonde…hmm interesting don't you think Deidara?"

"Yeah! Now that's sexy! Un!"

"Shut up you two, I'm trying to watch this here!"

"Look at the legs on that one, huh, and I can't believe I was actually thinking of chopping them off back when me and Itachi were gonna capture him."

"…-_drool_-…"

"Hidan, you're drooling on my head."

"…I know…"

..._Scene where Naruto finally finds out that he is being videotaped…_

"Sasori, isn't that your grandmother?"

"…-_facepalm_-…yes, Kakuzu, _thank_ you for pointing that out…"

"Poor Naruto-kun…being filmed and molested against his will, un."

"Deidara, you're not going soft are you?"

"NO! SHUT UP KISAME!"

"…-_drool_-…"

"Hidan, you're still drooling on my head."

…_Scene where Naruto pushes Gaara onto couch and kisses him…._

"Naruto-kun is finally taking charge, un!"

"The blonde taking control…I don't like that idea…"

"What? Why'd he close the door?! And it was just getting good with blondie showing that redhead who's boss! "

"I know, what the hell?! Damn Rip-off artists!"

"…-_drool_-…"

"Hidan, I'm gonna rip out your tongue if you don't stop drooling on my head."

…_The only thing they heard now was moaning, lots and lots of moaning. A sign on the bottom flashed by saying 'Use your imagination'…_

-…-

When Konan walked out of her room to go to the kitchen to get a bowl of _Choco Puffs_ she found that something was not right. _It was silent, absolutely silent. _A frown found itself on her face as she went to go investigate what could have caused this amazing phenomenon. She froze mid-walk when she saw what was happening in the living room. Apparently they were watching porn because everyone in the room either had a nosebleed or had passed out from the prior nosebleed. Kisame and Zetsu were passed out on the floor with a large smile on both their faces. Hidan was drooling on Leader's head for some reason and Leader, who also had a nosebleed, was just about ready to snap and strangle Hidan with his bare hands. Kakuzu sat there with a large blush on his face furiously taking down notes while Deidara and Sasori were doing _stuff_, stuff that involved Deidara's mouth/hands.

"…fucking pervs…I don't know why I even stay here…" she muttered rolling her eyes as she went back into her room. "…and where's the goddamn chocolate?!"

"Why didn't _we_ ever think of this?! We could have made millions dammit!!" she heard Kakuzu shout out before she closed the door.

-x-x-x-

Meanwhile another group of devious villains were also watching the same porno (or as Kabuto called it '_research'_), frantically dabbing away at their nosebleeds. Finally they just took a huge wad of tissues and stuffed it up their nose to block the blood that flowed through.

"Kabuto, this is the best research you've done yet," praised Orouchimaru.

"Thank you, Orouchimaru-sama" said Kabuto as he pushed up his glasses. "Shall we watch it again?"

"Yes, let's. Rewind the tape, Kabuto," ordered Orouchimaru. Kabuto rewinded the tape and pressed play. This time they paused at the good parts especially the parts where Naruto is moaning.

"This is even better the second time around!" shouted Orouchimaru cheerfully grabbing a handful of tissues.

And they watched it again and again and _again_.

"DAMMIT KABUTO WE NEED MORE TISSUES!!"

Right then Sasuke walked into the room rubbing his eyes irritatedly just about ready to kill Orouchimaru for disrupting his precious sleep.

"Why are you two making such a- WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THAT?!"

"Nothing!" squeaked Orouchimaru as Kabuto hurriedly tried to turn off the TV. "It's not your best friend and the Kazekage getting it on or anything. Heh heh, not at all."

_"What?!"_

-x-x-x-

Elsewhere another Uchiha was shopping for groceries for the base in a nearby village. He was looking through the vegetables in the market when he heard the most shocking news. He turned his head sharply when he heard two women pass by saying something about the "new romance between the Kazekage and a blonde haired teen in Konoha" of course it wouldn't have bothered him as much if she hadn't said the next few words.

"I know! I never knew he was _gay_" the woman whispered the last word but Itachi heard it nonetheless.

_Kazekage…romance…Blonde haired teen…_

_...Gay..._

_…Naruto is a blonde haired teen…and he knows the Kazekage too…_

"And did you hear?" the woman whispered into her friends ear. Itachi strained to hear the next words she was about to say. "There is even a porno tape circulating around with the two of them well _you_ _know_..."

_My pure, untainted Naruto…in a porno…?_

"No! This cannot be true!," Itachi roared snapping the piece of celery he was holding. He stormed out of the village, grocery bag in hand, muttering curses under his breath. The two women just stared at him wierdly as he proceeded to rampage his way out the village.

"Ok...that was weird. So anyways, they really showed them..._doing_ _it_? Wouldn't that give the Kazekage a bad rep?"

"Well they didn't actually _show_ it…" the other woman trailed off. Her friend narrowed her eyes.

"So they didn't really get it on?" her friend deadpanned.

"Well…"

"Does it at least show them naked?"

"Well, _half_-naked…"

"Good enough, let's watch it!"

-x-x-x-

Back in Konoha, a certain blonde was strangling Sai, trying to get him to spill the beans on why naked pictures of him and Gaara were being posted up all over Konoha (because they sure as hell were _never_ naked in a bed together in _that_ kind of position!). After several minutes of choking Sai within an inch of his life he had found out that apparently _Sai_ had been the one custom-making all these perverted X-rated pictures, courtesy of the Gaara fanclub in Suna and the Naruto fanclub in the Konoha. They were mostly pictures taken of them in the shower put together and manipulated to look like they were 'doing it'. **–A/N "Photoshop-no-Jutsu anyone?"- **He was slowly beginning to realize that fangirls were dangerous very… _very_ dangerous. He didn't know how Sasuke had ever survived through that.

"SAI! I TOLD YOU TO STOP POSTING UP ALL THESE EXPLICIT PICTURES!" Tsunade's voice roared from across the street. "THERE ARE CHILDREN LIVING IN THIS VILLAGE AND I'VE BEEN GETTING COMPLAINTS ALL MORNING FROM THEIR PARENTS!"

Shizune trailed behind her, yelling frantically "Hokage-sama, as you said before, there are children living here so it would be best if you don't murder him in front of them!"

Tsunade pulled up her sleeve as she marched over to Sai, "I swear when I get through with you…" She stopped midway and blinked when she saw the blonde. "Naruto?"

"Baa-chan what the hell is going on?!" Naruto whined rushing towards her. Instead of the comforting hug he was expecting all he got was a punch to the head.

"Ow! Baa-chan! What was that for?!"

"What the hell is going on?" she repeated, her fists shaking with fury. "What the hell is going on?! Well why don't you tell me what the hell is going on!"

She took out a tape and shoved it in Naruto's face. Naruto read the title, "_Jinchuuriki Lovin'_ …grr, Kakashi that bastard!"

"This is what's going on!" she said hitting Naruto over the head with the tape. "You being in a porno!"

"But-but-but…" Naruto stammered, eyes brimming with tears as he rubbed his head.

"No buts!" she screamed at him. "You were supposed to stay with Iruka and what did you do? You left his house after a trail of ramen which any sensible shinobi or _six year old_ could tell was an obvious trap!"

"But I-"

"I said no buts!" she shouted at him pulling him up by his ear. She turned to Sai and snarled in a deadly voice, "You, I will deal with later."

"But baa-chan hear me out-"

"Zip it. You are in so much trouble…" she trailed off with a slew of profanities.

"Heh heh, Hokage-sama, the children, they can hear you" said Shizune through gritted teeth in a sing-song voice.

"Mommy what does 'castrate' mean?" asked a little girl to her horrified mother who was frantically trying to shut her ears to such obscene language. Other mothers were doing the same thing hurriedly rushing their children away coming up with some half-baked excuse to satisfy their curiosity.

Tsunade dragged Naruto by his ear the whole way to the hokage tower, glowering down at anybody who made a lewd comment or uttered the words 'bow chicka wah-wah'. She burst open the doors to her office and pushed him inside. Naruto landed on his butt and grumbled in pain looking up to see Tsunade looming over him. He gulped in fear as she cracked her knuckles.

She narrowed her eyes at him in suspicion, "Ok you better tell me what the hell happened behind that closed door right now cause I'm pretty damn well sure I heard a lot of moaning!"

"Baa-chan, you watched it?!" came the indignant outburst.

"Answer the question, dammit!"

"...nothing happened…" again the blush on his face betrayed him.

"Then why are you blushing?" she said raising her eyebrow.

"...cuz…"

"Then you guys did do it!" she growled twisting his ear again.

"We didn't 'do it', okay!" shouted Naruto in pain. "I'm a one-hundred percent virgin!"

"How do I know you're not lying?" she said narrowing her eyes again.

"I would never lie about something like this baa-chan!" he said as he pouted at her.

"You better be telling the truth," she said with a sigh of relief and released his poor, abused ear.

"You finally believe me?" said Naruto with a gruff of annoyance as he rubbed his ear.

"Hmm, yes well if that's the case…then what did you guys _really_ do then?" she asked slyly a light blush splattered on her face.

"Baa-chan!"

* * *

Wah! Yes, done! This chapter was extra long to make up for the long wait -fidgets nervously-. I hope you enjoyed it just as much as I enjoyed writing it! As usual please read and review it is what keeps me and my muse alive! 

(1) _Bow chicka wah-wah_ -typical cheesy porno music from the 70's-80's...not that I would know or anything -shifty eyes-

(2) _TOM_- acronym for Time Of Month, as in that time of the month. Me and my friends use this as an excuse all the time to make up for our bitchy attitudes.

**A/N:** I decided on making a kakanaru story because well kakanaru has way less stories than itanaru. I've already written chapter one and it's been posted it up. It's called "Just a Habit", you can go check it out in my profile.

**A/N:** This is dedicated to Shiba-kun who just turned seventeen yesterday. I'm sorry I couldn't get your gaanaru lemon oneshot done for your birthday! I will post it up as soon as possible, all this AP crap is taking up all my time -sigh-


	9. Chapter 8

I'm sorry!! Please don't kill me for not updating in two months! Look new chapter! -runs away screaming-

-x-x-x-

Disclaimer: Unless you find an episode where Naruto is getting spanked by Gaara for being a bad boy, then no, I do not own Naruto.

-x-x-x-

Naruto: -smacks pixistixs- We have been starving! Starving, you crazy bitch! You locked us in your basement for two months! Two freaking months!

Gaara: Where the fuck have you been?

Me: -rubs her cheek- About that, I can explain-

Gaara: You update your other story but not this one?

Me: Hey, that doesn't count! I had already written up the three chapters for that one.

Gaara: We'll just see if your readers buy that pathetic excuse.

Me: But-but I said I'm sorry!! -wails-

-x-x-x-

* * *

_Recap..._

"You better be telling the truth," she said with a sigh of relief and released his poor abused ear.

"You finally believe me?" said Naruto with a gruff of annoyance as he rubbed his ear.

"Hmm, yes well if that's the case...then what did you guys _really_ do then?" she asked slyly with a light blush splattered on her face.

"Baa-chan!"

* * *

_Chapter Eight:_

"Yes, yes but we can't take any chances," she muttered darkly under her breath as she paced back and forth. Tsunade abruptly stopped and turned around slapping on some gloves. She loomed over the cowering blonde, with her eyes glinted maliciously, "Well, just to be absolutely sure I'm gonna have to –ahem- check something…"

Naruto looked at her warily and crept back as she got closer. "And just what might that be?" he asked her cautiously.

"You'll see…" she said with a creepy leer on her face.

She leaned forward and whispered in his ear. Naruto's face turned several shades of red upon hearing what she was going to do to him. He jumped away from her, grabbing his bottom protectively and shouted indignantly, "YOU'RE GOING TO PROBE MY _WHAT_?!"

"Your…'virginal orifice'," she said calmly. She then added with narrowed eyes, "That is if it is still virginal…"

"_Virginal orifice_?! That's not what you said in my ear, you old hag! You said you were going to stick your fucking finger up my-"

"Naruto! There is no need to use such crude language in my office," she scolded him.

"Crude language my ass! What you said to me was the dirtiest thing I've ever heard in my life and I hang around Ero-Sennin all day! Well, thank you, thank you for raping my poor virgin ears! How could you even bear telling me that without blushing?!"

"I'm a medic-nin, this is nothing new to me. It'll just be like a standard prostate exam," she said closing her eyes in aggravation as Naruto continued on with his rant.

"...tainting innocent little boys- Wait! Prostate exam?! You mean like the one Ero-Sennin was forced to get a year ago?" asked Naruto, horrified at the mention of the forbidden 'P' word that he was sworn by Jiraiya to never utter again for pain of death under the Toad Sannin's hands. Tsunade smiled cruelly and chuckled as she remembered that he was forced to get one under a male doctor and not a female one making it all the more traumatizing. She peeked open one eye when everything became quiet only to see Naruto slinking away to the door inconspicuously.

"Where do you think you're going?!" she yelled making him freeze. He made a run for the door but she caught him before he could reach it. She promptly pulled him up by his collar and dragged him outside while he kicked and screamed, "Let go of me, you old hag! Just because you can't 'get some' it doesn't mean you can go around molesting little, unsuspecting, teenage boys!" That earned him a nice, hard stomp on his face.

"Shut up, Naruto! People are watching," she hissed, grinding her high heels into his face. Everyone in the mission room turned to look on as the Hokage continued stomping his face. She finally stopped when she realized that this just made people stare even more. Naruto looked at her with watery eyes and a bruised face, whimpering, "But I don't want you to probe my 'viriginal what's-it's-face'…"

"It's _virginal orifice_," Tsunade corrected him. Naruto's eyes were still watering with tears; whether it was from the beating his face endured just seconds ago or from the thought of getting finger-raped by the big, scary Hokage was uncertain. "Oh don't be such a baby! It's not that bad, as long as we have some lube…"

"LUBE?!"

Naruto was immediately smacked over the head by Tsunade who shushed him and glared down at anyone that dared to snicker.

"Stop being so loud!" she snarled at him. "I don't want people to get the wrong idea and think that I'm going to rape you."

"But you are going to-!" his next choice of words were muffled by Tsunade's fist which plowed into his face effectively shutting him up.

"This is strictly professional," she said massaging her temples as she dragged the now nearly unconscious Naruto down the staircase making no move to make the journey any less bumpy. "I am only doing this because I care about you. If what that crazy old hag from the Sand Village said was true then we are in for a helluva lot of trouble."

Naruto just mumbled incoherently still reeling from the direct punch to his face by the tremendously strong Sannin. Tsunade rolled her eyes at him and hauled him into a medical room.

* * *

_Flashback:_

"_You've never dealt with a male pregnancy have you?" said the old woman sneering at the look of shock on her face._

"_What the fuck are you talking about?" she asked her, slamming her hands on the desk as she got up. The old woman just looked at her fingernails as if they were the most fascinating thing in the world and answered, _

"_I'm talking about the Kazekage's future wife, Naruto."_

_She smirked again at the agitated look on Tsunade's face. A vein was already starting to throb angrily on her forehead. Just to push her buttons even more she added, "I bet you don't even know __**how**__ to deliver the baby."_

"_Stop babbling like a deranged fool," she snapped at her. "There is no way a male can carry a child. It's impossible."_

"_Care to test that theory when Gaara fucks him senseless-"_

"_Gaara will sooner lose his precious manhood before he touches Naruto."_

"_We'll just see about that now, shall we?" said Chiyo. "Gaara always gets what he wants. He wants Naruto then he will get him. Besides, it will do both our villages good to have such a strong alliance between our two countries."_

"_As long as I'm Hokage I will not let that happen. I don't trust you or that red-head one bit," Tsunade ground out. "Who knows what your real intention is behind this charade, after all you are the same people who sealed a Bijuu in an unborn child in order to gain more power for your village."_

"_I could say the same about your village!" Chiyo shot back angrily._

"_OUR circumstances were different," said Tsunade evenly. "There was no other choice."_

"_Humph, at least we've embraced Gaara as a human being and as our strong, devoted leader. I don't think I can say the same about your village," said Chiyo snidely, getting up from her seat. "We would treat Naruto much better than the despicable villagers here do."_

_She started walking toward the door smiling to herself as Tsunade let her words sink in. Right as she grabbed the door handle Tsunade spoke up and said, "You would only treat him that way if you were getting something in return. You needed Gaara's power to protect the village, that's the only reason why you've accepted him or else you would still think of him as a monster. I bet you still do think of him as a monster, just one that's a bit tamer and little more easier to control."_

_Tsunade shut her eyes as the door slammed loudly in her wake. She exhaled deeply and slumped back in her chair. She had gotten the last word in but Chiyo had won the battle still. What was this about a male pregnancy? And how was Naruto involved in all of this?_

_End Flashback_

* * *

Naruto started to regain his consciousness and his vision focused in and out as he tried to remember where he was. He looked around and saw a dark figure with evil, glinting eyes walking towards him with a gigantic needle. Before he could say 'Eep!' the needle had been stabbed in his arm making his lose what little consciousness he had. 

Tsunade laid the needle down and said, "That should do it." _Whatever this male pregnancy thing is, it probably has to do with the seal somehow. _She lifted up his shirt, running a long manicured nail down the seal mark. The seal started glowing red at her touch. _Interesting,_ she noted as the mark deepened into a crimson color. She suddenly removed her finger as if it was burned. _The seal won't let me touch him. Well, that doesn't make things any easier._

If she couldn't touch him while examining him then how was she going to find out more about his condition? She briefly considered calling in the Hyuuga heiress in to check on him with her Byakugan but decided against it because the poor girl would probably faint if she saw Naruto undressed. And Neji Hyuuga was out of the question because he would most definitely molest Naruto in his unconscious state than handle this in a professional manner.

She experimentally touched his stomach again but her finger got seared again by the seal. She put her finger in her mouth in pain and thought hard about any other possibilities besides burning her hand repeatedly. "Maybe Kakashi can help with his sharingan, but I can't seem to find that lazy bastard anywhere. In fact, he disappeared right after the porno tape incident along with Jiraiya." _Hmm_, _suspicious_.

While she had been busily contemplating over this dilemma, she didn't notice the changes that started to take form in Naruto's body. The seal had continued to glow red and the whisker marks on his face deepened into his skin making his face look more feral. Eyelids slowly opened to reveal blood red eyes which immediately narrowed down at Tsunade, watching her closely as she sucked on her forefinger still oblivious to the whole occurence. Tsunade did however hear the low growl that was emitted from the red-eyed demon. She flicked her eyes at Naruto, her chakra immediately spiking in her hands, arms up in battle position. "Kyuubi," she breathed out.

Kyuubi just scoffed and rolled it's eyes at her, "You worthless human, I'm not here to fight you."

Tsunade did not lower her guard and just narrowed her eyes at the demon in suspicion, "Then what are you here for?"

Kyuubi looked at her with amused eyes and growled, "I'm here to tell you to... **back** **off**."

"What?" exclaimed Tsunade incredulously dropping her arms to her side, momentarily forgetting about keeping up her wits around the demon.

"Oh, deaf are we? I said _back_ _off_," the demon repeated with a sneer.

"I heard that," said Tsunade snappishly. "Back off from what exactly?"

"Back off from my kit's love affairs. If my kit wants to procreate with the Sand brat, then I'll make damn well sure he does-"

"Excuse me, _your_ kit?" asked Tsunade with a raised brow, looking rather annoyed at how nonchalantly Kyuubi just up and claims Naruto as if he was one of the demon's own offsprings.

"Yes, _my_ kit," said Kyuubi glaring at her for interrupting. "And I won't stop at anything to get him together with the red-headed ninja no matter how much you meddle in with their affairs."

"And why would you do that?" asked Tsunade suspiciously. "What do you care anyways?"

"Simple. I want him to have a family of his own."

Tsunade scowled at that too sweet of an answer, "And am I supposed to believe that coming from a demon like you. You're almost acting as if you're his mother…" Tsunade trailed off with a scoff looking up at Kyuubi only to see a grin spread across it's face.

"It's only _motherly_ _instincts_ after all," said Kyuubi sweetly.

Tsunade's eyebrows shot high up at the mention of 'motherly instincts'."What are you talking about... don't tell me you are a-" she said slowly, eyebrows furrowing in disbelief. Kyuubi's grin widened remarkably, eyes dancing with mirth _she_ answered, "Female."

Tsunade slumped down on the chair next to the bed as this information processed through her mind. Kyuubi continued to watch her from the bed, clearing enjoying herself. To unsettle her even further she continued the conversation revealing even more shocking information.

"You should have realized it sooner. After all, I do affect the boy very much in some aspects, the whisker marks on his face are a very good example of that, " said Kyuubi running one fiercely, long nail lazily down Naruto's cheek. "Didn't you always wonder why the brat had such a slender figure and such a high-pitched voice even after hitting puberty?" Kyuubi chided. "Hm, no? It was all my doing. And as a medical ninja, didn't you ever stop to think why the curvature of Naruto's spine curves across three vertebrae and not two like normal _males_."

"Of course," said Tsunade slowly, comprehension dawning on her face. "Only females have that extra support, to help them balance their center of gravity during times of…"

"Pregnancy," finished Kyuubi (1). Tsunade sat stock still as the severity of the situation hit her full on. _The old hag was telling the truth._

"I need some sake," Tsunade rasped out. Kyuubi chuckled amusedly as Tsunade got up from her seat and brought out a bottle from underneath the bed. She drained half the bottle in one swig and let out a sigh running her fingers through her hair in frustration.

"But you don't have to worry him being pregnant now because I can assure you that nothing happened between those two so you don't have to do your little check-up on him," Kyuubi said smiling with delight as Tsunade continued to sit there utterly stupefied. "Besides, I want Naruto to be untouched for his future husband."

Tsunade snapped her head up and glowered at the demon. "Are you done dealing with your shock?" asked Kyuubi chuckling in amusement.

Tsunade growled and opted to stare at her bottle of sake before suddenly asking, "Why Gaara?"

"What do you mean?" asked Kyuubi taken aback by the abrupt question.

"He's the demon vessel of a one-tailed demon, a demon that is much weaker than you. Why would you choose him?"

Kyuubi gave her long, hard stare before answering, "Out of all the possible candidates I have picked out for him, Gaara is the best choice."

"Oh and are the rest of your candidates just as insane as him?" asked Tsunade sarcastically.

"Pretty much," said Kyuubi truthfully. "They might be insane but they are strong. I was gonna choose that Zabuza guy but he died and even if he didn't die it wouldn't have worked out because I suspected that him and that girly boy Haku had something going on. My next choice was Kakashi but he is far too lazy. He wouldn't take care of the kits very well."

"And the fact that they are both twice his age never crossed your mind, did it?" Tsunade said rolling her eyes.

Kyuubi ignored her and continued, "Then the Uchiha came to mind but I knew that wouldn't work out very well either."

"Who? Sasuke?" Tsunade asked in curiosity.

"No, his brother Itachi. But he's working for that Akatsuki organization which is bent on capturing me so he's off the list. But trust me, Sasuke was the next best choice. Ah but that damn bastard chose to go off with that pedophile so he's off the list too."

"You were actually considering Sasuke?" asked Tsunade, perking up at this new prospect. Having Naruto with Sasuke wasn't so bad as sending him off to another village, especially the Sand Village.

"Yes, they did know each other the longest and Sasuke's possessiveness would ensure Naruto's and his kits safety. But he chose power over Naruto so I eliminated him from the list. Loyalty is a quality that is absolutely required in Naruto's mate. One thing I know for sure is Gaara will never betray Naruto."

Kyuubi paused momentarily and then looked at Tsunade and said, "It seems the brat is regaining his consciousness so I don't have much time. But remember this I want him to be happy just as much as you do, so don't interfere with his love life. Gaara might be the only one that can truly love him. Don't. Ruin. It."

And with that, the crimson eyes faded away to reveal bright blue, drowsy eyes. Naruto's body fell back on the pillows like a lifeless doll. Tsunade watched him lazily as he slowly got up again rubbing his eyes sleepily. She drank the rest of her neglected sake bottle and chuckled as she thought, _Figures Kyuubi would find the most strongest, craziest, most bloodthirsty shinobi out there as a mate for Naruto._

When Naruto had fully awakened, he let out a girlish shriek when he saw Tsunade sitting next to him, clearly drunk, chuckling like a perverted creep. Tsunade raised an eyebrow at him in annoyance. To which he just bellowed, "YOU MOLESTED ME WHILE I WAS SLEEPING, DIDN'T YOU?!"

The empty sake bottle that she threw at his head was barely avoided thanks to his quick reflexes. He fell out of the bed in a tangle of sheets and shot straight out the door as she screamed after him, "Come back here, you little punk!"

"RAPE!!!" Naruto screamed all the way down the hallway, eliciting a few strange looks from passerby's faces. Several dirty looks were shot Tsunade's way.

She punched the wall next to her creating a giant hole making everybody scurry away in fright, "If I didn't love that kid so much I would've murdered him a long time ago," she muttered darkly under her breath.

* * *

Iruka appeared to be listening patiently with crossed arms as Naruto explained breathlessly how Tsunade had tried to rape him by knocking him unconscious and taking advantage of him without his consent. But in fact he was having a hard time controlling himself from bashing the kid's head in. He kept muttering to himself, "Don't kill him yet...don't do it, Iruka...-twitch twitch-...don't do it..." 

"…and then she ran after me but I did what you told me to do and screamed 'RAPE!' and came to you as fast as I could," Naruto finished finally, taking a huge breath.

"Now Naruto," said Iruka slowly, his eyebrow twitching as he tried to ignore the snickering in the background. "I understand that it must have been a very traumatizing event for you. But...did you have to barge into my classroom and explain that in _full_ detail in front of my _ten-year old kids_?!"

The whole classroom erupted in laughter at this and Iruka tried to control the kids as best as he could. Naruto blushed beet red as he just barely realized his young audience who were listening the whole time.

"That's enough! Detention after school for everyone!" Iruka yelled at the rowdy bunch. That shut the little devils up, but the evil little ten-year olds immediately turned to Naruto and glared at him furiously for being the cause of their detention.

"Eh heh heh," Naruto laughed nervously. As soon as Iruka turned around to write on the board, he was pummeled by spitballs and crumpled paper and some pretty hard erasers.

Naruto slipped out of the classroom as fast as he could, the paper balls and erasers following him as he made his escape. There was a trail of pencils stuck on the wall like kunais where he stood not just a second ago.

Once outside, Naruto pulled out the one pencil that he failed to escape from, and got stuck on his left butt cheek. "Damn ten-year olds," he groused rubbing his butt in pain. He turned and promptly collided with a pole that he hadn't noticed was in his way. He staggered a little before falling to the ground unconscious for the second time that day. For a few moments he laid as still as a doll before he opened his eyes slowly with a dazed expression on his face looking up at the sky. He got up slowly and zombie-like, his body hunching over like it was being control by puppet strings. His body straightened itself up until it was standing up right. The glazed over, azure blue eyes darkened and bled crimson red. His whisper marks grew larger and his lips curved into a smile. Kyuubi had taken over again.

Kyuubi closed her eyes with a smug expression on her face and walked in the opposite direction that Naruto was going towards. She continued walking, chuckling to herself in a wicked manner until she made it to her destination. She gazed down the pathway as the Konoha Gate came into view. The guards at the gate waved towards her and said, "Naruto-kun, going on a mission are you?"

She didn't answer them and just kept on walking. "Naruto-kun?" they called after the blonde. But she had already crossed over the gate and jumped into the tree branches. With red eyes flashing, she smirked, showing one single sharp, elongated fang. "I have to do everything for this brat. Now let's see, which way to Suna?"

* * *

_Meanwhile in Suna..._

"Kazekage-sama, it seems we have stumbled upon a very disturbing videotape of you," said the chuunin standing in front of Gaara's desk, blushing and bumbling over his own words. Gaara raised an eyebrow at him and nodded for him to continue.

"I-It shows you in a rather er- compromising position with a certain blonde-haired Konoha nin," the man gulped looking up at Gaara to see if he showed any signs of anger. Gaara kept an impassive face until suddenly he got up from his seat causing the man to jump back a few feet landing in front of the door. He hurriedly tried to get a hold of the doorknob so that he could escape in fear of feeling Gaara's wrath.

"Get up."

He got up immediately as ordered and stood at attention. Gaara circled around his desk and stood in front of him. "What did you see in that videotape?"

"Nothing Kazekage-sama! I-I didn't even watch it, heh heh..." the man gulped again as Gaara continued to stalk forward making him sweat profusely. He pressed himself against the door in hopes of somehow melting through it. "Okay, I saw it! I saw it! It didn't show anything explicit, I could only hear the moaning because the door was closed and-"

"How did you get this tape?" Gaara snapped at him.

"Y-your fanclub was selling it down the street for 80 bucks-"

"My what?!"

The door to the Kazekage's office suddenly burst open just as the man was about to answer, squashing him against the wall. The door crashers, namely Temari and Kankuro, paraded in wearing what looked to be matching T-shirts. Gaara eyes flew wide open when he saw just what they had on their T-shirts.

"Look what we just got! New merchandise from the recently established Gaara/Naruto fanclub!" shouted Temari showing off her T-shirt. The shirt read "Animal Attraction" with a picture of Gaara and Naruto in the front. Gaara was standing behind Naruto with one of his arms spread across Naruto's torso while the other was reaching for his -ahem- _'you_-_know_-_whats'_. Neither of them had so much as a spot of clothing on them, the only thing covering Naruto's privates were the words "Animal Attraction". "I think the black color is very slimming, don't you think Gaara?"

"And look I got a Naruto plushie," said Kankuro hugging the blonde plushie tightly. The vein above Gaara's non-existent eyebrows started to throb angrily as he watched him touch the doll version of his Naruto. "It has an optional removable pants feature."

"Give me that!" Gaara snatched it from him with a snarl, holding the plushie to his chest.

"Hey I paid good money for that," Kankuro protested.

"Mine!" he hissed, glaring down at him daring him to say another word. Kankuro shrunk back behind Temari in fear. "Now, what the fuck is this Gaara/Naruto fanclub and how the hell do they have pictures of _my_ Naruto naked?!" Gaara roared pointing at Temari's shirt.

"I don't know! They said they got it from some mysterious guy with black hair who called himself the '_Lord of the Penis'_, whatever that's supposed to mean," said Temari rolling her eyes and crossing her arms. "It's obviously fake. It just looks like you're...doing what you are doing, cause we all know you didn't really do anything like _that_ with him, did you?" asked Temari with sly expression on her face. He bared his teeth at her warningly in response. Temari seemed unfazed by the threatening gesture and continued nonchalantly, "But how they got pictures of you naked is beyond me. I can understand Naruto, that idiot probably showers with the bathroom door open."

"I want to meet with this "Gaara/Naruto" fanclub and show them what happens to people who post pictures of my Naruto naked," Gaara said in a low, deadly voice. The sand had already leaked from his gourd, his face already half-transformed. The chuunin, who had been plastered against the wall up until then, shrieked when he saw Gaara's transformed body and fainted from sheer terror. Kankuro was using Temari as a human shield in case he started lashing out on them. Temari gulped as she watched the sand grow larger and more terrifying.

"But first...I'm going to play with my Naruto plushie," he said and quickly returned to normal as if nothing had happened. He turned around and crooned over how cute "His Lil' Naruto" looked. The ferocious sand fell lifelessly behind him, looking as harmless as well sand would look if it wasn't being possessed by an ancient One-Tailed demon raccoon-dog-thing. Temari sighed heavily in relief, putting a hand over her thundering heart.

"But-but it was mine," Kankuro whined as he watched Gaara play with the plushie that he bought with his hard-earned cash.

"Let it go, Kankuro, let it go," said Temari shaking her head.

"So there really is a removable pants feature, hehehe" Gaara chuckled evilly, throwing the tiny pants over his shoulder.

"Yeah... I think we should go before he does something else to the poor thing," said Temari, a little unnerved by Gaara's behaviour.

"Right behind you," said Kankuro, blushing deep red with an appalled expression on his face, as he watched tiny boxers fly through the air too.

"Wait take me with you!" yelled the distressed chuunin who had finally regained his consciousness. He had gotten his fill of heart attacks, accidental piddling in the pants, and just outright mortifications for the day. He ran out the door just as Gaara began cooing sweet nothings into the Naruto plushie's ear. Needless to say, that was the last time he was going into the Kazekage's office to give him a message.

* * *

Done! Hellz yeah! -dances with maracas-

Ahem, on a more serious note, you must be all wondering what the hell I've been doing besides fulfilling my wonderful reader's need for more updates. All I can say is... take pity on the poor high school senior who just wants to get into college and not be a failure! But thank goodness it's winter vacation I can finally write and update my stories. I will promise you this, expect another update before the end of winter vacation, it's the least I can do for making you wait for two whole months.

(1) -this is actually true, I read it in an article not too long ago. You can go check it out by searching "females evolve more spine to carry babies" on google. I will most likely explain it further through Tsunade or Sakura in a later chapter but if you want to find out about it now you can go check it out. I recommend that you guys read this anyway because it is a very interesting article and shows another great aspect about evolution and natural selection.


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